#but at the same time musical chairs sounds smoother and i think people know it as musical chairs more than chair stealing game

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: Red Velvet (Part ONE)

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: Red Velvet was the first k-pop group I ever loved, even though Blackpink was really my introduction. I became a ReVeLuv in 2019, because of Russian Roulette, and I’ve been a fan since, including of the members’ solo careers (Wendy in particular). But as I’ve gotten more into k-pop and since they come back so infrequently, I haven’t really been keeping up with them and I feel like I’m less of a fan than I once was. So, I’m super excited for their comeback on the 13th (especially with a full album!) and I’m hoping that through this deep dive, I’ll fall back in love just in time for the new album.

Red Velvet is almost a decade old, having debuted with four members (Wendy, Joy, Irene, and Seulgi) in 2014, with the 5th, Yeri, being added the year after. Red Velvet is known for their dual concept: the poppier, brighter Red side and the R & B focused, more sensual Velvet side, which sets them apart from many girl groups of their time that were pigeonholed into either “cute / naive” or “sexy / mature”.

Happiness is their official 2014 debut (again, with four members). While I do like this song, I don’t find myself coming back to it often because it just doesn’t sound like Red Velvet to me; it’s bubbly and odd, but in a similar way to a lot of k-pop; it sounds like many other “quirky” k-pop groups from the same time, and just a bit too young for a group who were all adults at the time. Wendy’s bridge remains a highlight, but like NingNing’s vocal showcase in Next Level, it doesn’t fit the song enough, and I wish it was in a better one so I could love it more.

Be Natural is the balance of sorts to Happiness, a more mature R & B track that’s a cover of the 2001 classic by S.E.S. I love the jazzy background of this one, and the kind of drawn-out pull of the vocals that sound much smoother than in Happiness. It was this song that proved RV could be more than just their debut, and could tackle both more childish and more grown-up concepts. While this is a cover, they put their own spin on it, though I admit I’m not a fan of Taeyong’s part, as I’m almost never in favor of random rap verses in very subdued songs. Also, I’m not a choreo blog, but shoutout to all the difficult work that they do dancing on the chairs, because my back hurts just watching it.

Ice Cream Cake marks the introduction of Yeri, which gives me a fair bit of bias towards this as I’m happy to see them all together. It’s bubbly and bright with almost impressive amounts of aegyo that’s definitely a product of its overly bubbly 2015 k-pop world, especially the rap verse that just jumps in out of nowhere. While it has far more personality than Happiness does (like in the slight creepiness of the playground-esque lalalala’s and the bizarre music video), I think that it’s still very much a marker of the beginning stage of Red Velvet’s career when they were still figuring out their identity as a band. I want to be clear that it’s not a bad song. But it doesn’t stack up to the instant classics that we’ll see in a bit.

Automatic, like Be Natural for Happiness, is the Velvet balance for Ice Cream Cake, and where ICC feels very young, Automatic is far more sleek and graceful in its delivery. It’s a gentle R & B track that glides along like it’s dancing on its tiptoes the whole time. It clearly was put together after the success of the Be Natural cover, and while there are similarities, I prefer Automatic for two reasons: a) Yeri’s there, rounding out the voices well, and b) It sounds more like a Red Velvet song, with a few little quirks. The instrumental is minimalistic, which lets the voices speak for themselves, and it’s the first title in this series I’ve loved on first re-listen.

From the Ice Cream Cake EP, Stupid Cupid was an immediate favorite. Starting off with that Western-movie-esque guitar, its intonation and production is reminiscent of a 2nd gen title, Girls Generation in particular. Normally I’m not a fan of a slight drop between pre-chorus and chorus, but it works here. I even don’t mind the rap verse, as the humor in it fits more with the tone of the song than one usually does. I never gave this song a second thought before, so I’m glad I found it.

Dumb Dumb is the first song that feels quintessentially Red Velvet in this review. It’s very much a “throw things at the wall” track, with that delightfully funky instrumental and a never-stopping drumline that feels like it’s beating your heart for you. It’s a song that feels like it shouldn’t work, between the key changes, the tempo changes, the many repetitions, the chanting, etc, and yet…it does? Dumb Dumb toes about five dozen tightropes perfectly, and I have no idea how. This song has so many things that are genuine pet peeves of mine, but I love it anyway, and if anyone could pull this off (with a random verse honoring Michael Jackson), it’s them.

The Red is almost universally known as an excellent album, and I can’t talk about every song (even though I would!), so I’ll just talk about a few of my favorites: Huff n’ Puff, Campfire, and Don’t U Wait No More. Huff n’ Puff bounces back and forth with an oddly warped instrumental and off-beat clapping, then ties it all together with a great bridge and its titular refrain. Campfire has more sing talk than I normally enjoy, but it’s still melodic and its brassy chorus more than makes up for it. And Don’t U Wait No More has an interestingly clipped call and response in its chorus that is now very much stuck in my head.

One Of These Nights is a surprising choice for a single, especially for 2016. Many reviewers responded with mixed or even negative opinions on it after the delightful bombast that is Dumb Dumb, and I can see why they did. One Of These Nights is not a song for everyone; it’s quiet, melancholy, and honestly depressing, and yet it’s so beautiful and heartfelt that it’s honestly my favorite of their singles. It was made to mark the Korean festival of Chuseok (that is, in legend, the one day of the year where two fabled lovers can reunite, before they have to part again), and that gentle yearning and happiness with an edge of tragedy is so comforting for anyone coming out of grief but still remembering the good times. Red Velvet’s voices are something special; they’re great separately, but together, they’re just stunning.

The Velvet is less critically praised than The Red, but I love both Rose Scent Breeze and Light Me Up. Rose Scent Breeze may seem like just another b-side at first, but it soon goes from gentle melancholy to a furious guitar riff-led power ballad that lifts you up without losing its palpable emotion. Light Me Up is an R & B song too, but has a youthful energy and a joy not found in their other “Velvet” songs. As both a queer person and a huge fan of Wendy’s voice, I admit I like her “La Rouge” version more than the original, though the harmonizing at the end feels like honest-to-god floating.

Russian Roulette starts with a similarly creepy “lalala” to the one in Ice Cream Cake, and was actually the first Red Velvet song I ever heard. It bounds forward with the choppy energy of a classic video game, and between the insane catchiness of its hook and the bizarre combination of murderous Tom-and-Jerry imagery and skyscrapers of aegyo, it’s no surprise it went viral. It both fits perfectly into k-pop cliches and pokes fun at them in the process, zig-zagging between what seems like a sweet love song and the visuals of a gang of expressionless dolls. It is…utterly bizarre, and, just like the first time, I’m utterly enthralled.

What to say about the EP? I love this entire album, and it’s so hard to choose a hidden gem. Lucky Girl, Fool, and Bad Dracula are all excellent tracks, and I love all of the different combinations of doo-wop, synth, and other vintage genres too. I’ve got to say that my favorite is Lucky Girl, though, partially for the delightful catchiness of the song as a whole, partially for the inclusion of actual “shoo-be-doo-wop” vocalization, and partially for the immaculate Girls Generation-esque 50’s/60’s production.

Rookie is not and never has been a song for me. It’s not that it’s a bad song, per se, and I actually enjoy the greater part of the verses. Red Velvet’s voices are great as always, and I also love that bridge. This song, truth be told, annoys me more than anything, because it’s so, so close to being good. But why, why, why, did they have to give it a chanty, aegyo-filled hook? Come on, guys, we were almost there. We could’ve had another so-crazy-it-just-might-work situation like Dumb Dumb, but instead there’s too much crazy and not enough working for me.

From the Rookie EP, I honestly preferred almost every song to the title, but Little Little was my favorite. It’s slow and quiet at first, and during the verses, you’ll think it’s bound to be depressing. But then, like an opposite version of Rookie, the chorus completely changes the song, turning it into a dreamy R & B ballad that’s been a fixture on my sleep playlist for years.

If the last few songs have been upbeat, Red Flavor is practically jubilant. It’s been called THE summer k-pop song, and for good reason. It bounces off the metaphorical walls, full of delight and youthful energy. Even the verses, albeit slower, set up that juggernaut of a chorus with its distinctive “red, red, red flavor” distortion in the post. I’m sure this is just me being a ReVeLuv, but this song is so nostalgic for me and never fails to make me a bit sappy, especially the slightly wistful outro. I don’t mind the rap, but I wish we could’ve gotten more of the singing section of the bridge instead. Overall though I really like this one.

The Red Summer is one of their strongest EPs, and while I wanted to give Mojito a quick shout-out, my hidden gem is, without a doubt, You Better Know. If you’ve read at least one of the disclaimers at the top of my reviews, you’ll know I’m neurodivergent. I have autism, and I kind of didn’t let myself believe it for a while. But one day I was walking outside and this song came on, and its message was just what I needed to finally let go and let myself stim for the first time. If you don’t have autism, it’s almost impossible to explain the pure rush of joy that stimming (especially after so long repressing it) can bring, and so whenever You Better Know comes up on my playlist, I find myself fighting a huge grin and getting the urge to dance. God, I love this song so much. I’m trying not to smile right now.

Peek-A-Boo: this was the song I considered my favorite Red Velvet single for a while, although One Of These Nights currently takes that trophy. From the start it crackles with an odd, tongue in cheek humor and a “well what do you want from me” shrug. The instrumental seems to pop out of random places, between a twinkling piano, snapping fingers, and some kind of chime that I can’t place, which go far better with the vocals then I would have assumed. I wish they’d pushed the voices more to be honest, because they feel a bit subdued here (and not in an expressive way like in Automatic), besides the last chorus, but otherwise this one still holds up for me. Because hey, who doesn’t want to watch five girls in rainbow dresses kidnap pizza boys from their cabin in the woods?

From the Perfect Velvet album, I have one main stand out. Kingdom Come needs no introduction for ReVeLuvs since it’s already practically required reading for anyone looking to get into the fandom. I admit I was put off from it for a while because it didn’t live up to being treated like the second coming of Christ, but I’ve definitely warmed up to it. It’s so soothing and warm, like a cat curled up by a fireplace, and Red Velvet’s voices come together almost perfectly to set the scene.

Bad Boy takes an even greater shift away from the Red side and towards the Velvet. One would think that a song like this would be boring and barely leave an impact, and they would be completely wrong. Bad Boy possesses a self-assured and smooth R & B flair reminiscent of Taemin’s more subdued tracks, and moves forward with an unhurried strut. It’s often cited as the pinnacle of their Velvet side, and I might have to agree. I don’t have a hidden gem for the Perfect Red Velvet repackage, since it’s only a couple songs.

So this is where we’ll take a break, because I think we’re about halfway through their discography. Like in the BTS review, I’ll leave my final thoughts until next time, and invite you to touch some grass and eat some Doritos.

I’ll see you in a few days for a boy group supplemental and then next weekend for the second part of Red Velvet. Tschüss!

[shyficwriter]

Temporary Home: Chapter 3

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!)

Summary: Just as things start looking like they'll get better, Rocket seems to ruin it. Hopefully this time he learns something.

Previous Chapter here | Next Chapter Here Or click here to: Start From Beginning

Author’s Note: Shorter chapter this time.

Word Count: 4,075

You might have slept in after having taken a middle-of-the-night walk, but your body had other ideas, waking you up right at seven A.M. Probably had a little something to do with eight strange people living in your house. Who's to say?

Breakfast today went smoother than yesterday. Nothing was spilled, no one was bit. It was almost nice.

However, afterwards you found yourself at a loss for what to do. You knew the garden was already free of weeds from where you weeded the day before, so there went that idea.

Sure, you could sit and relax, maybe try to get to know your new house guests, but you were still feeling too antsy and irritable to do that. You wanted something to keep your mind busy.

Eventually you settled on laundry. The machine was half full anyway and so you went upstairs to grab the hamper from the bathroom and threw it's contents in. Unfortunately you'd need to wait for the clothes to finish washing before you could hang them or fold them, but you supposed maybe you could sweep the floor while you waited.

You finished the kitchen much faster than you would have liked, and so you decided maybe you'd sweep the upstairs landing and work your way down.

You had swept about halfway down the stairs when Peter and Gamora decided to walk up the stairs about the same time as Mantis decided to walk down the stairs, hugging her bear. Upon seeing Peter and Gamora, Mantis then further decided to show them the "wonderful bear" you had given her before bounding down the rest of the stairs and out the front door.

They looked to you as she left, and you blushed and looked down at your task at hand. "Don't read too much into it. Just- you know... Thought it'd keep her from crawling in my bed at night... Seems to have worked."

"Right," said Peter, throwing a cheeky grin at Gamora. His tone was overly inquisitive when he spoke to you next, "Say, would you know anything about the toy car Groot found waiting in his room last night?"

You quickened your sweeping down the stairs. "I should really finish up here. Got other work to do."

Gamora looked pleasantly intrigued, and Peter lightly chuckled as they continued up the stairs.

You were grateful the sitting room was empty when you went to sweep in there, but you were also soon dismayed to have finished the chore so quickly. The washer still had a good chunk of time before it'd be finished and now you were once again left wondering what to do.

Might as well clean the bathroom.

More dismay befell you when you entered, however. Someone hadn't flushed. Again. Know who doesn't have to worry about house mates not flushing? People who live alone.

In disgust, you flushed for whoever the offender was, making a mental note to make a general callout to whoever it was to stop it, before getting a start on cleaning the bathroom.

The washer was finally done by the time you finished, and you jumped on the chance to grab a basket and bring the clothes out to the line. Sure, you had a dryer, but hanging them would keep you busier for longer. You put in your earbuds so you could listen to music while you worked.

Once outside you noticed that's where most of the others had gone. All but Peter and Gamora where in the back yard enjoying the sunshine. Yondu, Kraglin and Drax were shooting the breeze while Rocket pushed Groot on the little wooden car, which was just big enough for him to sit on, down the stone garden path. Groot would squeal in delight until he reached the end, then he would cheerfully run back carrying the car for Rocket to do it again. Mantis had discovered the rope and plank swing hanging from the old oak tree and was gently swaying as she cuddled her bear.

You made your way toward the clothesline on the other side of the yard and faced away from them as you went to hang the clothes on the line.

You were about three towels in when Kraglin taps you on the shoulder, making you jump. You turn to face him and pull out an earbud to hear what he was saying.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya, ma'am!"

You frowned, embarrassed. You were usually never this jumpy, especially not on the job, but this whole new situation has been playing with your nerves.

"Would you like some help, there?"

You shake your head, reaching down to grab a shirt to hang on the line.

"Well, would ya like some company?"

You come back up from the basket with another garment and raise your eyebrow at him.

"Not much of a talker, eh?" Kraglin said, starting to feel a little awkward. He was trying to make nice with you, but you weren't giving him anything and he didn't really know what to do. He told himself it'd be easier if you were someone he was trying to steal from. Cap'n was better at stuff like this.

You shrug.

"Well, I just wanted to say it was real nice what ya did for the little fella and the girl."

You look at him, already feeling a blush returning, and repeated what you said to Peter and Gamora earlier. "Don't read too much into it." You reach down to pull another garment.

Now Kraglin frowned. He tried to think of something else to say. Maybe he could break the ice with a joke? "Say, you ever hear about the guy who couldn't get his blaster to fire?"

You raise an eyebrow.

"He had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual."

You tilted your head. "Was that a joke?"

Kraglin made a grimaced grin and rubbed the back of his head, "Ah... yes?"

"Hm." is all you offer and you return to work.

Kraglin tries again. "What about the one about the constipated Krylorian?

You didn't look up. "I think your friends are calling for you."

Kraglin, missing the hint, "I didn't hear-"

You look up, the look in your eyes sending a chill through the former first mate. "Oh yes, they did."

He got the hint.

***

"She turned you away so fast!" Drax laughed when Kraglin returned.

Kraglin shook his head. "Apparently she's not a big talker. Actually almost kinda scary." He glanced back toward you briefly as if to make sure you stayed there.

"Scary?" Drax asked, perplexed. "But she looks all small and weak like Peter, or you?" He shook his head. "You are terrible with women."

"Hey!" Kraglin objected.

Yondu grinned.

"And I wasn't trying to get her into bed! I was just trying to break the ice is all."

Drax looked at you then back at Kraglin in confusion. "It's too warm? There shouldn't be any ice to break?"

Yondu shook his head and said, "No that's- Nevermind."

***

When hanging laundry you noticed some white mushrooms were starting to spring up around one of your clotheslines poles, and unfortunately you couldn't quite tell if it was the safe type or the poisonous type. You might have left it alone, but knowing the little tree child was running around now, you wanted to be sure. Just in case. You told yourself you just didn't want to clean up his vomit if he ate them and got sick.

You knew you had a book on mushrooms, so after you finished hanging the wash you headed inside and towards the sitting room to find it.

Everyone had long since come inside and now Yondu, Drax, Kraglin and Peter were already in there, playing a game of cards at the table while Mantis curled in the rocking chair reading a book of children's fairytales.

You stood there looking through the titles of your books, trying to find the right one, when suddenly you felt a pair of hands fluttering at your sides. You jerk with a gasp and spin around to grab the hands of your attacker and see that it's Mantis.

"Mantis- what are you doing?" You say, your tone laced with a gentle warning. You didn't release her wrists yet.

"You seemed grouchy. I wanted to make you laugh!" She replied cheerfully, not alarmed in the slightest by your tone.

You raise an eyebrow at the innocence of her answer. Eyeing her you say, "I'm not ticklish," before cautiously releasing her and making a shooing gesture. You turn back to the books.

Peter quietly catches Mantis's attention and with a grin nods in your direction, encouraging her to do it again. Yondu sees this and shakes his head softly, grinning at the mischief.

Not twenty seconds go by before you feel her hands at your waist again, and again you jerk with a gasp before spinning to catch her again. "Mantis," you say more warningly. Now Drax is grinning.

You hear snickers coming from the table and Kraglin says, "I think you are." It was funny to him. Just awhile ago you were almost scary in your stoic-ness, now you were jumping and shying away from Mantis's attempts to tickle you.

You glare at them but ignore him. "Mantis, go back to your book," you say firmly.

Mantis just giggles but finally starts backing away as you eye her.

Assuming you're safe you turn back to the bookshelf. You soon find the book you were searching for and reach up to pull it from the shelf when you feel it yet again, this time along your ribs. You jerk your arm down with a small squeak and turn to grab Mantis's hands again, your eyes wide. "I swear I will turn you over my knee!" You threaten, a faint giggle in your voice making you sound a whole lot less threatening than you wished at that moment.

The guys are snickering again and Mantis innocently asks what that means.

You sigh and release her. You had no intention of doing it anyway, it just came out. Something that your elders used to threaten when you misbehaved as a child. "Go." You say, pointing at her forgotten book in the rocking chair. "Read."

Seeing mirth glistening in your eyes despite your threatening tone she obeys with a happy giggle and you turn once again to retrieve the book you had come for. Louder snickers could be heard from Peter when you stopped your motion halfway to turn and check that she wasn't coming back. You narrowed your eyes at him before finally grabbing your book and leaving to do your research.

You found the mushrooms weren't poisonous after all.

***

The next day you decided to practice your archery.

Rocket was still being a shit, being rude to his friends and to you, and he kept fighting with Gamora and Peter. Kraglin somehow managed to break one of your favorite mugs. You found out that apparently Drax had been the one not flushing, and that was super awkward. You left Peter to deal with him. You tripped over Groot's vines at least five times. Mantis managed to startle you so bad you nearly had a heart attack (Though in her defense you had your music in so you didn't hear her approach to ask you a question) Then there was Yondu, who you felt like he was watching your every move.

Needless to say, you were looking to blow off some steam.

You had a target set up behind your work shed and along the wood line of the forest. You pulled about 20 practice arrows and your bow from the shed and walked behind to aim at your target.

You had been out there maybe an hour or two, just shooting the target full of arrows, gathering them up, and then shooting them again, all while you listened to your music.

You had emptied your quiver again when you felt a hand on your shoulder and nearly decked Peter, catching yourself just in time when you saw it was him.

You caught your breath and scolded him. "Don't DO that!"

"Sorry! Sorry! You couldn't hear me with your music in so I waited until you ran out of arrows." he reasoned. To be fair, it was a good idea. You probably definitely would have shot him with one if he snuck up on you like that before you ran out.

You sighed. "What do you need?"

"Nothing. Just, we hadn't seen you for awhile. I thought I'd see where you went. I know it was a little rough with everyone today."

You only grunted in response, going to collect your arrows.

He followed. "Look, I just want to apologize for everyone. I know you didn't need to let us stay-"

You cut him off. "Didn't I? Seems like Fury made the decision for me."

"Cut the crap."

You turn to give him a hard look that said, 'The hell did you just say?'

Peter backtracked slightly. "I mean, I was clearly there the day Fury sprang this on you. You offered before he told you he had already decided. You can't try to tell me now that you don't give a crap."

You narrow your eyes before turning to continue on toward your arrows. "Hell if I can't."

"Well I know better."

You reached your target and started pulling arrows. "You don't know me at all. You haven't even been here four days."

"Ok, that may be true, but we can still try to be friends since we're all stuck together, right?"

You stare at him a couple moments while you pulled the rest of your arrows, before huffing a breath through your nose and looking down.

"You need some time alone with the thought. That's ok." Peter said, relenting. "Just know the gang's not normally like this. They're still adjusting." He lied. He knew they were totally like this, but he was still hoping maybe they'd settle down enough to not make you hate them.

You sighed. He had a point. Maybe you shouldn't be avoiding them as hard as you had been. Maybe if you made an effort to be friendlier this whole situation would go smoother. "I suppose..." you began, "that maybe I have been a little..." you struggled for the right word.

"Grouchy? Scary?" Peter offered lightheartedly. "Like the crotchety old person they try to make you think is the masked monster in Scooby Doo, but it turns out to be some other guy that wants to scare them out of their house?

"Watch it." you say eyeing him, but your mouth twitched. He was right. Perhaps you had been a little 'crotchety.'

"Careful, that was almost a smile." Peter teased.

You broke your gaze toward the ground so you wouldn't actually smile. You weren't ready to let your guard completely down yet. It only half worked.

Peter grinned. It seemed like his plan to chip your shell away was working. Slowly, but still. Progress was progress. He turned to walk back towards the house.

"Hey," you spoke up.

He turned back to face you again.

"You hungry?" you ask. You offered to cook again. Stipulating that it was just because you were bored again, nothing fancy, and you weren't going to make a habit of it or anything, of course.

Peter nodded and smiled, accepting the offer as you joined him to walk back to the house, stopping just long enough to put your bow and quiver back away in the shed.

***

Peter offered to help cook again, and again you declined, stating that you were only cooking spaghetti and it was like the easiest thing to make as you pulled out a pot and filled it with water.

He didn't press it. Baby steps. He had already succeeded in getting you to (almost) smile, he wasn't going to push his luck. However...

You place the pot on the stove and turn on the flame when Peter says, "Ok, but one thing before I go."

"What's that?" you ask, stepping away from the stove to grab the salt container from the cupboard.

Peter took full advantage of you reaching up to quickly aim a poke to your sides, making you jolt with a squeak.

He quickly went to run away, almost knocking into Yondu who had walked into the kitchen for a drink.

"Dammit!" you cry out, unable to hide the surprised laughter from your voice. "You behave or I'll put you in that pot!"

Peter laughed. It was totally worth it.

Yondu just looked at him with a 'What the hell!?' expression, asking, "Why is it funny when she says it?"

***

The pasta was nearly done and you had started working on the sauce when you realized you had run out of dried basil. Knowing you had some fresh out in the garden you decided you'd hop out for a quick second to grab some. The flame under the sauce hadn't even been turned on yet, and you lowered the flame under the boiling pasta just out of habit before you went outside, so you trusted that leaving the stove unattended for five seconds would be fine.

However, fate had other plans.

While you were cooking Groot had convinced Rocket into another game of tag. Whether he deliberately disobeyed or simply forgot, you'd never know, but as he was running from Rocket he ran straight through the kitchen, and Rocket didn't stop him.

Didn't stop him has he climbed on the counter.

Didn't stop him as he jumped over to the table.

Certainly didn't stop him as he hopped onto the vent over the stove, though he most definitely should have.

Maybe it was arrogance on Rocket's part that he could make the jump, or even just sheer ignorance over his ability to keep a grip on the sloping metal, but as Rocket pursued Groot, always just slightly behind the tree child, and he made the jump from the table to the vent hood, he slid, and tried to correct by pushing off the (thankfully cool) saucepan, which knocked the pot off sauce off the stove as he lifted off with a loud clatter as it hit the floor.

Groot was fine, having by now hopped off the cabinet onto the floor. Rocket regained his footing, clinging to the cupboard above the stove as he surveyed the damage.

He knew he fucked up.

That's when you came back inside. He saw your face as you took in the mess, looked over to Groot, and then looked up at him.

He really fucked up.

The rest of the team also heard the clatter from the sitting room a few quickly came to see what had happened.

You didn't notice. You only saw red.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!"

Rocket started to reply with something snarky about not getting your "panties in a bunch" and how it could be cleaned but you cut him off before he could.

"He's made of wood!"

Rocket was slightly taken aback. "What?"

"That stove was- IS fucking lit." You reach over to shut off the burner under the pasta, side-stepping the mess. "What if he had caught fire? Or what if you knocked over the other pot? What if that fucking pot of boiling water had landed on either of you?! Do you even understand what that would have done to you?!"

By now the rest had heard you yelling and came to join the others in standing in the doorway to see what all the commotion was about. You still didn't notice them, you were too angry.

Rocket attempted to speak again. "I-"

You weren't finished. "I get it, he's a baby, he's still learning, but YOU most definitely should know better! But no! You think it's ok to play with him around a lit fucking stove! What the actual fuck! I swear, you're about as thick as manure but only half as useful!"

Rocket looked at the others in the doorway with wide eyes, not quite sure what to say. There was no way around it. This one was on him. They wore shocked expressions but also didn't say anything. Little Groot looked terrified at the (to him) giant angry lady screaming at Rocket.

You took a step back and finally assessed the mess. "And then there's all this!" you say, gesturing at the red tomato sauce now splattered all over your floor, your cupboards, the table & chairs, your stove. There was even sauce splattered on the window above the sink and the curtains, not to mention the walls. It was as if a tomato bomb went off in your kitchen.

You pressed the ball of your hand to your forehead. "You know what? No. I'm not dealing with this. Nope." You open the fridge, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. It was only then you saw the others standing in the doorway. You look to them, gesturing toward the pantry with the bottle. "Figure out your own damn supper." is all you say before walking out the back door and slamming it behind you.

Peter was the first to speak. He skipped asking Rocket what he had done, it was obvious by the red splattering the kitchen. Instead, what he said was more of a statement. "You really fucked up, man. You made her leave her own house."

"Should we go after her?" Drax asked. Mantis just stared at the giant mess as she hugged her bear, eyes wide. You had been very angry.

Yondu and Kraglin could see you out the back window, taking a swig from the whiskey bottle as you headed for the forest, much like you had the other night -minus the drinking of course. "No," said Yondu, "Probably a bad idea. Let her go."

Gamora agreed, and turned to glare at Rocket, demanding that he get down and help clean up the mess he had made.

Rocket actually looked kind of guilty looking toward the back door you had just left through. He didn't even argue back anything snarky, just did as Gamora asked without a word, which didn't go unnoticed as odd to the others.

He could have handled it if you had just yelled at him for making a mess. Could have shot back that you were uptight, had a stick up your ass- it was just a mess. Messes could be cleaned. Shit happens. Get over it.

But what he couldn't handle was that your first words, your first instinct, was to be angry that he had endangered Groot by allowing him to play near the stove. That he couldn't snark at- because you were right. What if Groot had caught fire? Or fell in the boiling pot?

He'd never forgive himself.

***

Hours had passed and half the bottle was gone before you finally returned.

Even in your drunken haze you saw that the kitchen had been cleaned, every trace of the tomato explosion gone. Even your curtains had been washed, dried, and re-hung.

You went to put what was left of the whiskey bottle back in the fridge, and saw someone had been kind enough to plop the pasta in a covered bowl and set it in the fridge so it wouldn't be wasted.

Not that you gave a shit.

Right now you wanted to sleep, and so you made your way to your room and collapsed on the bed.

Sleep didn't come right away. You faced the wall and covered your mouth, trying to hold back sobs from your anger, frustration, and sadness over everything. Even still drunk you had the presence of mind to know you didn't want anyone to hear you cry, especially since one of your new housemates was currently sharing your room and sleeping not two meters away.

The raccoon was a right asshole, the worst of the bunch. You wanted to strangle the little fecker, but knew you wouldn't. What you really just wanted was to be alone again, to bury yourself in work like you had before all this happened. Anything to keep your mind on other things-to push down the painful memories of your past that were now rudely breaking through your whiskey-addled brain and out your eyes.

Sleep did eventually come, and if you didn't know better you could have sworn you heard a gentle voice softly whispering, "Sleep," just before you passed out.

[success-and-corruption]

Gauze Album Review

Because some people want my thoughts on DEG albums I will be reviewing them so I figure I would start with their first full-length one. Please leave a comment on your thoughts on this album and my review.

Track 1: Gauze -mode of adam- (it's actually GARZE -mode of adam-)

This track is okay for what it is. It starts out very dark with circus music but then it becomes fast and hectic. Altogether I don't think it really sets the tone for the rest of the album.

Track 2: Schwein no Isu

Chair of the pig. This track definitely fits with Gauze in my opinion. I really like the opening guitar riff and the bass complements it very well. The German matches the track numbers on the back of the album which I appreciate. My boy Die wrote the music for this song so that's always a plus. I also always love some gang vocals. "Geist seele wille zelle, geist seele wille zelle"

Track 3: Yurameki

Now this song really cements the fact that Gauze is a VK album. Written by Shinya this one perfectly captures that early DEG sound. It's also nice to hear Kyo's clean vocals throughout the entire song. The instruments all work well together as well and I don't think there's much awkwardness with the transitions in this song. Yurameki is one of my favorite songs on the album.

Track 4: raison detre

First we had German and now we have French. Raison detre (or more properly Raison D'être which means reason to be) is a fun track and one I used to know how to play on the bass. The electronic beat and the sound of the guitars get me so pumped despite the... less than positive lyrics. A+ guitar solo.

Track 5: 304 -Goshitsu, Hakushi no Sakura

This song is good in that it's very different from the other tracks on the album. It's dark and Die plays acoustic in this one which is typically associated with a more calm style but this song is fast paced and the music video for it is beautiful visually but the way that the members portray mental illness is not really that accurate. Additionally I think that vocally this is one of Kyo's weakest work on the album.

Track 6: Cage

I actually do know how to play this on the bass and in fact it was one of the first songs I learned when I picked up the instrument. It's also I think one of the few songs that doesn't have the bass in standard tuning, instead it's in drop D. Cage starts out with a calming music box playing the melody of the chorus and then it quickly transitions to a faster tempo with a killer bassline with a bass solo throw into the mix. We all know it. We all love it. This song is very fun even though Kyo sings about a person being abused by their mother and in turn abuses their girlfriend. The transitions could have been a bit smoother in my opinion. It's still a great song to listen to and play on the bass.

Track 7: Tsumi to Batsu

I really don’t like this song very much. The guitars are boring and too repetitious and although I don’t expect anything different from Kyo lyrically (meaning I don't expect any happy lyrics) but these lyrics just don’t do it for me. It's an okay song for what it is but it's definitely one of my least favorite DEG songs in general. I much prefer the remake.

Track 8: Mazohyst of Decadence

This song is surpisingly one of my favorites on the album and another song I know on the bass (but really the bass is super simple in this one). As most people most likely know the lyrics are from the viewpoint of a fetus being aborted. I will not be getting into the abortion debate for obvious but everything in this song just works. The guitars in the beginning, the baby going from laughing to crying, Kyo’s vocals during the chorus. The ambiance and slow tempo really work to paint a very hopeless landscape and that tone setting is what I think DEG does best with their longer songs.

Track 9: Yokan

BOP ALERT. This song definitely deliberately placed after Mazohyst to cheer the listeners up. Yokan is a song in which the instrumentals don’t match the lyrics. The guitars, bass, and drums all paint a bubbly and energetic picture while Kyo sings about a guy no longer loving his girlfriend and mistreating her because he no longer loves her. The lyrics are a very stark contrast from the instrumental part of the song but that's DEG for you. Like Yurameki I think this song is a great way to showcase that VK sound. Didn’t the Yokan single get released like a week before Gauze? Weird. 

Track 10: Mask

“While its members have promised us peace, they have led us to war heedless of the platform upon which they were elected.” 

This was a snippet from Charles Lindbergh in his Des Moines speech in 1941 in which he blames the British, Jewish people, and the Roosevelt administration for leading the USA into WW II. BIG yikes. I think this song is about how people shouldn’t just follow orders for the sake of following orders which was the central theme of the Nuremberg Trials in which the Nazis were being tried as war criminals. Or maybe it's just about a corrupt government? Sorry for the history lesson but I felt that the context was important to understand the song. On to the musicality of the song: this song took awhile to grow on me because it seemed kind of messy and like I couldn't ever catch a break. It just keeps going... but eventually I learned to appreciate it for what it is. Again not really my favorite song but it's also not a song I think about very much.

Track 11: Zan

Kyo’s breathing and laughing set the stage for this song. The song itself is rather jarring and in my opinion a bit hard to listen to. I much prefer the remake but this is not a bad song. Not really much to say about this one other than it's definitely the heaviest track on the entire album.

Track 12: Akuro no Oka

What a song. I really love all of it and I also know how to play this on the bass minus the solo. This song feels like a story in music form and I love Kaoru’s hat in the music video for it. The wind sound Die's acoustic strumming opens the song and continues throughout the song as Kaoru, Toshiya, and Shinya play. When I listen to it I can feel the gloominess and sadness that this song portrays through the instruments and Kyo's vocals. This song was written in A minor I think so it makes sense that it would sound sad. Kaoru's guitar solo is melancholy and Toshiya's bass solo provokes some sort of emotioanl response from me. I think it’s a perfect way to end this album.

Track 13 (?): Gauze -mode of eve-

This is technically part of Akuro no Oka but it’s definitely different. Not much to say. It’s spooky and Kyo counts down in English. 

Bonus time!

Of course I have the limited edition

Bonus track 1: I’ll (single version)

I have this single as well and I like how it’s the same size as a Gamecube game disk. With that out of the way, I think this song really doesn’t fit with the overall mood of the album but the bassline sure is catchy. 

Bonus track 2: Jealous (single version)

This song fits the mood of the album more, but not quite. I also have this single. I haven’t listened to this song in a long time so I don’t really have much to say. Sorry. 

Overall this is a very promising first full-length album and a great introduction to early DEG and their past VK style. In general I enjoy their heavier stuff but this album is just a good time all around. I rate it 8/10 because some of the songs just don’t do it for me. 

That’s it! My first ever album review. I want to hear your thoughts because I’m sure many people will disagree with me. 

[superhero--imagines]

* There’s so many ways this can go

* But I bet you’d meet him when you moved into his apartment building

* It’s in this -for lack of better words- shitty building in Gotham

* But it’s the best you could do with your budget, plus it’s the only building with a gate

* Not that it means much in Gotham, but something is better than nothing

* (Also if you have a pet/dog, they aren’t charging a pet deposit)

* Jason is someone who lives on the same floor, either next to you or across from you.

* I’ve got two headcanons about neighbor!Jason

* He’s either a friendly neighbor who engages you in small talk whenever you run into each other

* Or he’s incredibly reserved, you hardly ever see him and when you do he enters and leaves his apartment so quick you can’t get a word in

* Overall you don’t really talk to him much

* Honestly you’re probably a little intimidated by him

* He’s like 6’0 and 250 pounds of muscle

* He’s also a beautiful man, so you’re also a bit intimidated by how you’re attracted to him

* Jason barely registers that you’re his neighbor tbh

* So many people filter in and out of these apartments he’s stopped forcing himself to remember their names

* He only notices you when Dick is with him at some point, helping him carry some things from Bruce’s mansion

* “I’m starting to think you’re pretending to need help so you aren’t suffering alone”

* “It took you this long to realize that?”

* You come back from work at this point, in your cutest outfit, you’d had a good day so far

* Riding the wave of confidence you wave at them before disappearing into your apartment

* “They’re pretty cute” Dick whistles, and Jason looks to where you stood

* “I guess” well you did have a pretty face, and every once in a while he can hear your music from his apartment

* It’s always lo-fi beats or something relaxing

* it’s kind of cute too

* “Do they live alone?” Dick asks, and Jason shrugs

* You’re pretty quite, not many visitors, he likes that. The less people around the better

* “I think they have a dog.” He recalls seeing you walk a dog early in the morning, slightly concerned, this is Gotham after all

* “So no boyfriend?” Jason raises an eyebrow

* “Please don’t date my neighbor Dick.”

* “Why, do you want to be their boyfriend?”

* He shoves another box into Dick’s arms to get him to shut up

* Jason notices you a bit more after that, he notices you when you’re at the mailbox getting your mail, or when you’re climbing up the stairs with bags full of groceries

* Unfortunately everytime he sees you it’s followed with “oh, it’s that person that Dick thinks is cute.”

* Which usually makes him grimace.

* One day though, as he’s getting mail he notices a few of the letters he has have your name on them

* Looks like the mail person got the unit numbers wrong

* He sighs, more human interaction he doesn’t really want

* He’s considering just waiting for the post office worker tomorrow so he can slip it in your box, when he sees you in front of your door

* “Hey, I got your mail by accident” he says, sticking out the package. You grasp it with both hands

* Jason can’t help but think about how small your hands are compared to his

* well, someone would surely find that a little cute

* He doesn’t realize he’s staring until a finger digs into the corner, ripping open the plastic.

* “Oh cool, I’ve been waiting for the book for a while, thanks so much!”

* The smile you give him should be illegal

* He can feel his face grow hot, as he nods

* “N-no problem” he mumbles, escaping into apartment.

* It doesn’t really bother you, you go into your own apartment, excited to start your new book

* The back of Jason’s head rests against his front door

* Okay he gets it now, yeah you are pretty cute

* After that things get a bit smoother between you two

* “Is that a new book?”

* “Yeah, I picked it up on my way home, I’ve been meaning to read it for a while”

* “That ones okay, but I like the one the author wrote before better.”

* Jason’s pretty well read, so you two end up mostly talking about books

* “If you want I can write you some recommendations”

* “Sure I would love that!”

* And here comes that smile again, Jason’s not a Virgin, so he doesn’t understand why every time you smile his face erupt into flames and he can’t think right

* “I’ll leave it on your door later”

* Talking about books turns into trading books

* “Hey, you wanted to read Murakami’s short stories right?”

* “Oh, Thank you! Also I got your mail haha!”

* Jason’s starting to wonder if the postal worker is trying to set you both up

* “Hey, are you feeling okay?”

* Jason’s really not

* “I’m just a little tired”

* Just then a cough escapes him

* God dammit

* “Do you want to come in? I have some tea that might help”

* Tea does sound good, but he shouldn’t, adorable neighbor or not he should keep some distance

* “I also have some whisky, if you’re a believer in the medicinal effect of hot toddy’s.”

* Aw hell

* Thats how Jason finds himself in your apartment, sitting on your couch, looking at your rather impressive book collection

* He knew you liked to read, but he’s still impressed

* “Here.” You hand him his hot toddy and a coaster

* He takes a sip and grimaces

* “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

* Your face erupts in flames, you honestly weren’t. In truth you were expecting to get rejected. So to see him here, at your apartment, petting your (dog/cat/bird/etc) is pretty surprising

* “I’m kidding” Jason says, noticing you blush “I like them strong too”

* You’re a little nervous that things will get awkward, but Jason’s a pro at the art of conversation (when he wants to be)

* “You like Scott Fitzgerald?”

* From there the conversation falls into books, to music, to things that are deeper

* “I don’t know, I just thought I’d be further ahead by now yknow?” You say, leaning back in the arm chair.

* Jason’s sprawled out on the couch, no longer trying to make himself as small as possible

* “Where did you think you would be?”

* You’re both drinking straight whisky at this point

* “I don’t know, I just never pictured myself spending all my time at a job I hate. Living in an apartment where the floorboards are coming out, and the paint is falling off the ceiling”

* It’s true, the paint does fall off the ceiling. One time the drywall fell off in a clump and landed beside him when he was sleeping.

* “And honestly, I thought I’d at least have a boyfriend”

* Jason’s head pop up to look at you

* He can be your boyfriend

* The words are dancing on his tongue, but what comes out is:

* “Relationships are over rated, I haven’t dated anyone since 2016”

* “2018 for me,” you grin “I can’t tell if that makes me the winner or the loser though”

* You both laugh, and for a moment Jason thinks that you’re just like him, lonely in your own way

* Maybe you can make each other happy

* But he extinguishes the thought as soon as it comes to life

* He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable in your own home

* And as he takes another swig of whisky, he realizes he might be drunk

* So he lets himself laugh with you, excusing himself once it starts to get late.

* “Hey Jason, I realized I don’t have your number.”

* You give him your phone, and he has to try extra hard to make sure all the numbers are entered correctly

* “Cool, I’ll text you about what time is good for us to go to that book store you mentioned.” You say before closing the door behind you

* Jason doesn’t remember inviting you to his bookstore, but he still finds a grin curling onto his face

* You slide against your closed front door

* Your face is burning, and you feel way more embarrassed then you should

* He just looked so handsome when he was smiling, and he said he hadn’t dated anyone for even longer than you

* It doesn’t help that you had quite a few drinks, so you took a shot

* The worst that could happen was that you would have to laugh it off as wanting to be his friend

* Or wanting to know who his book supplier was

* Both were equally true

* You’re feeling even more embarrassed when you feel you phone buzz

* Jason: Do you have the weekend off? We could go then

[flowercrown-bard]

Poems for the Poet (1/ 5)

Pairing: Eskel/Jaskier

Summary: Unbeknownst to Jaskier, he inspires Eskel to try his hand at writing poetry. Eskel posts his poems anonymously to notice boards, not thinking that anyone would read them. Until he hears Jaskier's songs unmistakably referencing Eskel's poetry. (Eskel’s pov of The Way to a Poet’s heart)

Word count: ~2k

AO3

next

Content warnings: self-consciousness, self-doubt

Eskel could have been many things. He could have been handsome. At least he remembered his mother calling him such when he had still been a boy with a wide and toothy grin that he didn’t need to hide. He could have become a mage – his hill-folk blood had practically guaranteed him a place at Ban-Ard.

And maybe, as slim a chance as there had been, he could have become a poet. He remembered his mother singing to him about hens. It had been a silly song, but when he had undergone the Trials of the Grasses, the verses had been the last thing on his lips before the melody had turned into cries as fire raced through his blood.

That day, all dreams disappeared and turned into could-have-been’s that twisted Eskel’s stomach if he ever thought about them.

They didn’t matter anymore. Eskel was a witcher. One exceptionally skilled in magic, but a witcher nonetheless.

Perhaps he had even been handsome for a little while longer, but now there was not a hint of attractiveness left on him. It didn’t bother him. Couldn’t bother him.

At the very least he still had his poetry. No, not his. He had never written a verse in his life. If he had gone to Oxenfurt instead of being dragged to Kaer Morhen, he might have learned about metre and clever word-play. Now, he didn’t dare put a pen to paper. Too certain was the chance that his words would only be yet another disappointment. He’d rather keep the wish to write a might-be instead of a dreaded could-have-been. As long as he didn’t try and fail, he could still imagine that he might be able to become a poet one day. Until then, he would study his poetry collection and listen to the bards he came across in taverns, praying that their songs wouldn’t break off once they laid eyes on him.

It happened more often than Eskel would like to admit. Many times, he found himself lingering outside a tavern, just to get the chance of listening to the songs a little longer before they inevitably faded in discomfort when the bards noticed the witcher staring at them through the windows.

He would have done so today as well, if it weren’t for the long gash in his leg. It didn’t hurt too badly and it was already close to being healed, but he yearned to sit down and close his eyes for a little while, to eat and maybe, if he was lucky, to listen to some songs.

Even from outside the tavern he could hear that the bard singing a soaring ballad was talented.

So he pulled his hood up and pushed the door open. As he shuffled to a table at the corner, he tried to make himself as small and inconspicuous as possible.

He knew he should have kept his eyes cast down. He knew he should have kept to himself.

Yet there was something in the bard’s verses that made Eskel’s insides sing. He didn’t know the words for what he heard. Perhaps it was alliteration or anaphor? Whatever the bard had done to give his words life, it stirred something in Eskel.

He looked up before he could think better of it; before he could remember all the reasons why he shouldn’t do such a thing.

For a blessed heartbeat he was allowed to just look at the bard. There was no denying his beauty. Clearly, many people in this room looked at the bard’s blue eyes or long fingers with adoration.

Eskel noticed those things merely as an afterthought. He was too distracted by the almost wistful expression on the bard’s face, the way he subtly swayed with his music as if he was a part of it and the meaning he put into every word as it fell from his lips.

Eskel’s chest clenched at the sight. Without meaning to, he leaned forward to see better. It must have been that movement that caught the singer’s attention, for his eyes wandered over to Eskel.

And his voice broke. Blue eyes widened and fingers had to strain not to fumble.

Abruptly, Eskel looked away, pulling his hood deeper into his face to hide his eyes and turning his scarred side towards the wall for good measure.

It was already too late. All hope that the bard might not have realised exactly what Eskel was burst when the song came to an overly hurried end.

A handful of patrons muttered disapprovingly and one even gave a shout, demanding his coin back if the bard wasn’t going to play a full set.

Out of all the people, Eskel knew he was the one most disappointed in the abrupt yet not unexpected end of the performance. He would have loved to hear more of this bard’s art, to listen for long enough to figure out just how he crafted his verses.

Yet another could-have-been.

Eskel should probably leave. Maybe if he did, the bard would pick up his song again and Eskel would be able to listen to it while he put distance between himself and the tavern. His leg ached at the thought of having to get up already, but if it meant getting to hear a little more of the bard, it would have been worth it. Eskel was just about to stand up when someone pulled out the chair opposite of him and let themselves fall onto it with little grace, but palpable excitement.

Long fingers drummed onto the table as if the person’s energy couldn’t be contained. Or as if they were waiting impatiently for Eskel to leave.

“Apologies,” Eskel said, doing his best to make his voice sound smoother than it was. “I’ll leave the table to you.”

Unexpectedly, a hand shot out and grabbed Eskel’s wrist, lightly enough to make clear this person wasn’t out for a fight, but insistent enough to make Eskel tense.

“That would be defeating the purpose of me coming here, wouldn’t it?” That voice. It was the bard’s voice. Unwillingly, Eskel’s eyes snapped up and his breath hitched when they met blue. The bard’s easy smile didn’t leave him, even as he took in Eskel’s inhuman eyes and mangled face. “After all, I came here specifically to talk to you.”

“Oh.” Eskel relaxed slightly. This he could do. “Do you have a contract for me?”

The bard let out a pearling laugh that crinkled the skin around his eyes. Eskel’s chest clenched. It was rare a human laughed in his presence. No, that wasn’t quite true. People laughed constantly, though mostly at him. They would snicker blatantly when they saw his face or snort cruelly when he said something that had been meant to sound gentle and diplomatic but evidently came out as a pitiful attempt of an oafish mutant to fit in where there was no place for him.  

But never before had someone other than his family laughed in a way that made him think that perhaps he wasn’t the one being laughed at.

“Well, no. Not exactly.” The bard leaned forward with an eagerness that almost made Eskel draw back. No one leaned towards a witcher. Least of all Eskel with his disfigured face and hulking frame. “I was wondering if you were willing to let a humble bard accompany you on a hunt?”

Eskel blinked at him. “I- no. I just come from a hunt.” Absentmindedly, he shifted his leg beneath the table. “And it would be too-“

“Oh, don’t tell me it would be too dangerous.” The bard let go of Eskel’s wrist and waved it through the air dismissively. “Geralt tells me that all the time and I’m not dead yet, am I?”

Eskel’s brows would have drawn together, if he hadn’t trained himself to keep frowns off his face to stop it from becoming even more fearsome.

For a heartbeat he could only stare at the bard, trying desperately to connect the few things Geralt had told him about his bard to the man sitting in front of him now. A lot of the details – annoyingly talkative, a petty menace, dangerously ready to fall in love with anyone he met – weren’t things Eskel could ascertain from such a short time of talking to the man. But what had was most important was the way Geralt had talked about his bard. There had been a fondness to even his most exasperated words. A fondness that Eskel could imagine only too well being directed at someone like this bard. In fact, as the bard’s smile grew wider with every second that Eskel studied him and something warm and fuzzy spread through Eskel’s insides, he found himself feeling some of that fondness already.

He swallowed and tried to clear his throat as inconspicuously as possible. “Are you Jaskier?”

Jaskier’s eyes lit up with delight. “Geralt mentioned me? Didn’t think he would.”

“He had little choice in the matter.” Eskel’s lips would have twitched if he hadn’t feared that would make Jaskier recoil. “Lambert and I kept teasing him about the fact that there was a song about him.”

As soon as the words left him, he froze. His eyes widened and he scrambled for words to fix his mistake. “I don’t mean that as a bad thing, of course. It’s an honour to have you sing about witchers and the way you weave stories is incredible.”

A hint of red crept into Jaskier’s face that must have been a trick of the light. “Thank you,” he said almost sheepishly, but then his face brightened into something radiant and beautiful. “Wait, you are Eskel!”

Jaskier practically bounced in his chair in his eagerness to drag it even closer to the table. “Geralt told me so much about you!”

Eskel felt his throat grow tight. Far too often had Geralt found him in the library, leaning over a book of poetry and songs written by the very same man that sat before him now. How many times had Eskel drunk a little too much White Gull and told Geralt that he admired his bard?

“He did?” He asked hoarsely.

“Of course!” Jaskier let out a carefree laugh. “He always jokes that one day he would hand me over to you because you are the only witcher that wouldn’t go insane if he had to listen to me sing all day.”

Eskel’s lips twitched, though he turned his head just quickly enough to hide his smile. “I can imagine worse things than listening to your songs.”

Jaskier tilted his head to the side and gave Eskel a look of unashamed curiosity. “Why, my dear Eskel, is that a compliment?”

Eskel shook his head and hunched his shoulders. Before he could stop himself, his hand came up to paw at his scars uncomfortably.

“It…It was supposed to be teasing. I don’t- I’m sorry, I’m not good with that.” His eyes darted away and then quickly back to Jaskier. Putting as much sincerity as he could into his voice, he added, “I would enjoy listening to you sing some more. You have a beautiful voice and your song made me feel like I could almost see the images you were conjuring up.”

For a moment Jaskier only gaped at him and Eskel cursed himself. Of course he had messed this up again already. He shouldn’t have tried to fix his own mistakes. By now he should know that nothing good would ever come out of that. A poet such as Jaskier didn’t want a witcher’s clumsy attempts at complimenting his art, not when he undoubtedly was used to scholars’ and nobles’ praises.

But then Jaskier’s expression shifted and his eyes lit up with something almost like awe.

“That was one of the kindest things I’ve heard about my singing in years.” He ducked his head almost shyly. “Most people tend to criticise me. Rather coldly, might I add.”

“Nothing to criticise as far as I could see.” Eskel shrugged sheepishly. “As I said, I would love to hear more of your art.”

Jaskier contemplated him for a moment that made the warm feeling in Eskel’s chest burn brighter. For some reason he didn’t mind the staring when it was Jaskier’s eyes he could feel on him.

“Does that mean you wouldn’t mind if I wrote a song about you?”

Coming from anyone else, Eskel would have thought that those were just empty words. Eskel wasn’t song-worthy.

And yet, when Jaskier eventually invited him to share the room with him to save some coin, the bard was already humming a melody to a new song.

Neither of them slept much that night. The both of them stayed up until almost the early hours of the morning, discussing rhyme schemes and talking about how writing poetry helped putting meaning into bad experiences and immortalising beautiful ones. Softly, they recited their favourite poetry to each other.

Eskel was embarrassed to admit that he had memorised some of Jaskier’s poetry but the confession made Jaskier smile brighter than any human should smile in the presence of a witcher. And when Jaskier lamented that most of his favourite lines of poetry were merely fragments lost to time, Eskel perked up and filled in the gaps for him, promising to show him his collection of ancient poetry at Kaer Morhen one day.

It wasn’t something to be taken seriously; merely a suggestion made in the spur of the moment, but Jaskier looked at him as if he had hung the stars and the moon for him and Eskel found himself hoping that maybe someday he would know Jaskier well enough to be allowed to give him such gifts.

Eskel fully expected Jaskier to be gone in the morning, and his heart skipped a beat when instead Jaskier announced that he would stick around at least until he would get to see Eskel fight.

When Jaskier finally went his own way to meet up with Geralt again two weeks later, he left Eskel with a strange yearning in his chest and verses that had been written for no one but him.

And beneath it all, Jaskier left him with an itch in his fingers that urged him to buy a quill and ink. He didn’t put anything to paper just yet. But the might-be that had haunted him for decades got just a little closer to a could-be. Perhaps Eskel could become what he had always wanted to be after all.

Perhaps next time he saw Jaskier, he would be able to share his own verses with the poet.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Sam Winchester: Surprise

*Credit to gif owner*

Pairing: Sam W. x Reader, Dean W. x Platonic!Reader

Pov: Reader

Warnings: swearing, lots of fluff, some implied smut. Mentions of Dean

Summary: Sams's birthday is coming up fast. Sam seems to have forgotten it, but not Y/n.

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: Sams 38th birthday is this upcoming Sunday, so I thought it would be cute to write a one-shot about Sams birthday. I feel like this is written very crapy, but whatever I wanted to write something for his birthday.

Sams Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Tag List: @sweetdetectivequeen @wonderfulworldofwinchester

The boys tend to forget that they have birthdays. This sounds odd, but they get wrapped up in everything around them, and days and months turned into saving people or the world.

With me around these years, I've made those special days more important to the two Winchester boys. Dean loved being the center of attention whenever given the chance, so his birthday was the best day to give that to him.

Sam tended to undermind his birthday wishing that we go out and help with a hunt or simply forget it.

So this year for Sams 38th I found an easy-looking case. After poking and prodding Dean for information about his brother. I finally got that Sams into small gifts and things that he can learn from.

"Sammy doesn't care about things that you can buy dear. He wants memories, he's an emotional man if you haven't noticed. He wants to remember the time that we've got together." Dean said cleaning his guns like usual.

At the beginning of this year for Dean's birthday, I had gone out and bought and new gun cleaning kit. For the past years I had watched him take more time to try and clean the old kit, so I knew he'd more than overjoyed to have a newer one. That was the gift I got a hug for.

I left Deans' room and ventured out to the library. Whenever I wanted to find him he was always there. A book pressed up agaisnt his nose, either a lore book for a brand new book from a mom and pop shop in the tiny towns we'd had gone through.

I was silent as I made my way to stand behind him. I gently rubbed his shoulders pulling him out of his book. "Hey, baby." He said setting down his book and putting his now empty hand on top of my own.

"Hey honey, I have a question," I said moving to sit in his lap. On instinct Sam's arms wrapped around me protectively. "What's your question love?" Sam asked.

"Your birthday is coming up. So what do you want to do? Or what do you want?" I asked playing with the ends of his slick like hazelnut hair.

He sighed before answering my questions. "I know my birthday is coming up. I just want to go on a hunt, you know that baby. I just want you and Dean and to save people. You ask me the same questions every year." Sam says pushes loose hair out of my face and behind my ear.

I gave him a childish look, saying "fine" and jumping off his lap. "I'll find us a hunt. We'll go and do your hunt." I said sort of skipping out of the room. I saw out of the corner of my eye Sam just rolled his eyes and picked up his forgotten book.

When I made my way back to my room I grabbed my laptop and searched for anything odd, weird animal killings, or just simply anything that had supernaturally written all over it.

I wanted Sams birthday to be great. I wanted him to know that it's okay to be the center of attention or have gifts given to him.

The hunt that I found just so happened to be in Washington D.C. near the Capitol. A series of killings were happening to young women, looking like they were camping alone and it looked like they were killed by bears but the claw marks.

"DEAN!" I screamed from my bedroom, both boys running in other directions and by accident bumping into each other.

"What's wrong?" Sam said his breath balancing on the edge of panic. "What the hell were you screaming about?" Dean said his gun pointing and swaying to find any danger.

"Well, I found a case for Sam's birthday. It's out in Washington. So we gotta get going. Also, put the gun down John." I said putting my computer away and grabbing my bag from the chair sitting in the corner of my room

"Oh, a case. That's all you had to say... John whos? Whos John?" Dean said. I rolled my eyes and started to pull things from drawers to pack for the week-long plus a couple of days worth of clothes the extra days.

The drive was nice, having later asked if we could take two separate cars for this trip. I also told Sam to being some more relaxing clothes for a day's walk around the town since it was Washington.

Sam drove and unlike his brother was smoother on the black slab that we drove on. Sam played classic music and we talked a few times before I eventually fell asleep with my head in his lap.

We ended up finding out that the said women in that small Washington town were being killed by a pack of werewolves. A small pack that Dean ended up finding when he went to the local bar for a hookup.

After we found their secret hidden hideout. Bullets flying and guns raised to high hell we killed every single monster. Sweaty foreheads and chests heavy from the hard breathing.

Something about seeing a sweaty, cheat chest raising fast Sam Winchester was more than hot, it was erotic, he was and is erotic. And honestly, I don't think he knows it. His strong jawline as he looked down at the slain werewolves in front of him, or the way his long fingers wrapped around the gun and the trigger.

Sam Winchester is the best man, best hunter, and the most wonderful person I've ever met. So that night during victory drinks I sat down and chatted with Dean. "So Sam's birthday is tomorrow, so he and I are going to stay here and visit some of the historical sites and just walk around the city. Y'know make some good memories.

I said to Dean as I took a long swig of my beer. He smiled and brought his beet up to his lips. "You two have fun call me if you need anything." Finishing off his beer he slipped from the booth and out the doors of the bar. Sam returned with more beers and had a short look of confusion on his face "Where's Dean? He find a hot chick?" He said. "No, you goof... So with your birthday being tomorrow Dean's going to leave and go back home, you and I are going to stay here and visit some places for the next couple of days." I said, smiling taking the beer that was still half full in front of me.

Sam and I spent the next two or three days traveling around, visiting some museums and national places. A few being the lincoln memorial, the army medical museum, and Library. One day we just spent walking around visiting the old homes of the best people from different times. The huge smiles on Sam's face were captured in quick flashes of my camera, sending a few here and there to his brother Dean.

Whatever building holds the declaration of independence and other very important documents, that was the building that we spent forever in, Sam read every word of every document at least twice, before moving on and heading to a different document. We took long lunch breaks every day, heading to a different place every time. The joyful expression on his face was amazing to see, something about seeing my boy, my best friend, my savior was more than exciting. It was thrilling to just know that I had made him so happy with just going to see and look at old buildings.

In moments like these, I really do love being with Sam. "Sam, Happy birthday baby," I said leaning into his arm as we walked further down to the Washington Monument. "Thanks, baby. You know I probably wouldn't have stopped, probably just would've stopped at all." He said linking our fingers together. "Well, aren't you glad that you've got me," I said winking and kissing his cheek as we walked "Yeah, I sure am!" He said

[iristhemessenger]

Just for a moment, dance with me?

My very first Wayhaven fic, in the spirit of sharing more F content! <3

Pairing: Felix Hauville/f.Detective (Eris Evergreen)

Summary: Eris' life has been anything but simple these days, her thoughts heavy with the safety of her town and the bloodthirsty monster who threatens them all. She just needs a moment, one blissful moment to take her mind off of it all and Felix may be just the person to help her out. After all, how can she say 'no' to that charming smile?

The song "Cheerleader" of course belongs to Omi, and is a personal favorite for those days when you just feel like dancing to something with a little bop. ^-^

                                                             ~ * ~

“When I need motivation

My one solution is my queen

'Cause she stay strong (yeah yeah)

She is always in my corner

Right there when I want her

All these other girls are tempting

But I'm empty when you're gone

And they say

Do you need me?

Do you think I'm pretty?

Do I make you feel like cheating?

And I'm like no, not really 'cause

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her”

For such a small town where barely anything happens, Eris will never understand how she still manages to find a towering stack of paperwork and reports on her desk nearly every morning, demanding her attention as she eyes the pile wearily. It has been a quiet day, all things considered, giving her more than ample time to make a good dent in said paperwork.

Most of them are small things, little complaints lodged by bickering neighbors or elder members of the community expressing their displeasure with the local youth who wander the streets, playing their music too loud or generally just standing around and being a nuisance.

She is not sure how many times she’s had to explain to Mrs. Henderson, one of Wayhaven’s regular complainants, that young Micky Roads and his small group of friends were not part of some drug-peddling gang, merely enthusiastic beat-boxers who preferred to share their music with the rest of the town than in the confines of his mother's basement.

Still, she should be thankful that such petty grievances are her only worries these days. What with Murphy running around still free, a part of her had been anxiously waiting for the phone at the station to ring yet again, signalling another death at the crazed vampire’s hands. Yet another life she had failed to protect, just like Garret Hayes.

She knows there's nothing she could have done in the grand scheme of things, but that only alleviated her guilt by a small margin. She was supposed to protect the innocent, supposed to be someone they could turn to in their time of fear and need but this...with Murphy, her blood, her mother, Unit Bravo and the Agency. It was all too much, and so out of her realm of control and understanding.

How was she supposed to prepare her town, her people, for such chaos without causing wide-spread panic among the residents of Wayhaven. If they even believed her at all, that was.

She wouldn’t blame them if they called her batty, no pun intended, this wasn’t exactly the kind of thing she expected to be dealing with when she took on the title of detective for the town. The police academy didn’t exactly train one for handling bloodthirsty, serial killing supernaturals.

She was tempted to write them a letter, to correct that particular oversight.

Not that it would do much good, she knew her mother would only destroy any such evidence against the Agency through her, she was guessing at this point, numerous contacts in order to maintain the secrecy of their shadow agency and dealings with the supernatural.

“Good morning, detective!” A familiar, jovial voice calls out, breaking the silence and her own morose thoughts.

Looking up from her desk, Eris can't help the smile that almost involuntary spreads across her face upon seeing her guest. It’s nothing compared to the dazzling smile that greets her in return as Felix saunters into her office. Eyes so intent on her she fidgets in her chair a little, unused to such undivided attention.

“It’s my turn to escort you home this fine evening.” He explains, giving her a once over that has goosebumps prickling over her skin under his appreciative gaze. “Though, admittedly, you are much finer.”

“Oh?” She raises an eyebrow, confused. “Not that I am complaining, but I thought it was Mason’s turn to take me home tonight?”

It had become the new norm at this point, the members of Unit Bravo taking turns escorting or babysitting her throughout the day while the others patrolled the town and surrounding area for Murphy.

She had already spent a delightful morning with Adam.

Sarcasm heavy on the 'delightful' as the leader of the vampiric agents had made no attempt to hide his annoyance when she'd insisted on a small outing from the station to Haley's bakery, for her regular morning caramel macchiato and blueberry scone. Citing the venture as 'inadvisable' and 'ridiculously foolhardy' when the station already had a (semi) working coffee machine in the break room.

The fact that it made coffee that looked and tasted like tar was, of course, of no concern to him.

Seeing Felix after an entire morning of that, and a few more mysteriously dented filing cabinets and a now unusable soap dispenser in the men's room, was honestly a breath of fresh air.

Nothing against Mason, who she suspected was finally beginning to warm up to her (he’d even begun to put out his cigarettes during their car rides back to her home, knowing how much she disliked the smell) but she found that she enjoyed spending time with Felix.

The younger vampire’s mere presence seemed to set her at ease, in a way she couldn’t quite explain. Whether it was his constant string of jokes, as strange as they could be sometimes, or his boundless optimism, whatever it was she sorely needed that right now.

“Ah, well…” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, unwilling to admit that Mason had only agreed to switch their shifts because he had all but begged the older vampire until he’d grown fed up with his nagging. “Adam decided to take him out to patrol the warehouse district again for signs of Murphy or a potential hideout. So, you get me for the afternoon instead, if that's ok by you?”

There's a slight hint of uncertainty at the end of his usually confident southern drawl, one he hopes she doesn't catch into.

"Of course it is!" She nods, and he is happy to see her smile, genuine and honest, still in place. Not to mention he'd noted the slight jump in her pulse and heartbeat when he’d announced himself earlier, making his own grin widen. "I always enjoy your company."

"Careful detective, keep buttering me up with sweet words and I'll never want to leave you alone." He teases, with a wink for good measure.

"Oh, heavens forbid." She teases back without missing a beat, shuffling some papers on her desk. "How would I ever manage?"

Felix is practically beaming now down at her, basking in their easy banter. He enjoys these stolen moments with the detective, who was infinitely more fun than patrol duty. Even if at some point he knew they would eventually have to part ways, he would take what he could get. He wanted to savor the time with Eris while he could, and if she were amenable to his flirting and interest, even after discovering their true nature, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to turn her away.

“I’m almost done with these reports” She sighs, “just waiting on some paperwork from Tina and we’ll be good to go if that sounds ok?”

He watches her as she stretches her arms high above her head, in an attempt to ease the stiffness that has made its way through her body. Her back arches in the chair, chest lifting forward, revealing every soft, and ample curve beneath her light blue t-shirt. The young vampire licks his top lip.

“More than ok, excellent even.”

His voice is smoother than silk when he answers, and she swears something breaks within her at the sound of it, leaving her flustered as she catches his eye. She clears her throat, sinking back into her chair.

"Alright then, good...that's...good."

Without another word, but his usual, cocky grin now firmly plastered on his face at a job well done, the agent makes himself comfortable. Draping his body across what has now become his usual chair in her office, feet in the air he crosses his arms across his chest and settles in.

As uncomfortable as the chair itself was, as he often complained, for some reason he continued to stake his claim, flopping into that particular chair every chance he got.

The fact that it was close to her desk, giving them both a clear view of the other, was a nice side benefit to be sure.

It's not long before the quiet she'd found herself in before returns, as Felix does his best not to disturb her. She appreciates his effort, though she can tell it is a trying endeavor as she catches his feet twitching.

In an attempt to alleviate his boredom, she turns on her radio. It's already tuned in to her favorite station, and soon the office is filled with music and she can't help but smile softly as a pleased grin spreads across the vampire's shapely mouth.

Felix, for his part, is grateful to find the station plays modern, up to date songs. Not that he didn’t like the music Nate often played, per say, but it did lack a certain energy to it that Felix craved.

Keeping a not-so-subtle eye on the detective, he is happy to see she seems to be of the same mindset. While looking over a few documents, she unconsciously begins to bob her head to the catchy, upbeat rhythm of a song Felix knows well.

To his extreme delight, he even sees her begin to follow the words, perfectly lip-syncing every lyric as she continues to follow the beat.

He watches her lips as they move, soft, pink, a little chapped and bare of any lipstick or gloss. Aside from the barest hint of eyeliner and complimentary eye shadow, he notes she doesn’t wear much make-up. Preferring a more natural look, which suits her well he thinks.

Felix soaks it all in, this moment with her. Unguarded, relaxed, being here with Eris. It felt, so natural and right. He’d never felt like this before with another person, aside from his teammates. He wants to keep it, keep her, but he does his best from getting too excited, just in case.

She’s been very receptive to his flirting, albeit a tad shy which he found adorable, allowing him to savour the growing attraction between them. But, he couldn't help but wonder. What about something…more?

He’s brought out of his own thoughts when her eyes, dark blue like sapphires, catch his. She instantly straightens, brushing a strand of long, black hair behind her ear and clears her throat.

“I, uh, I really like this song...” She admits biting her bottom lip, embarrassed at having been caught.

Felix only smiles, loving the soft blush that blossoms over her fair skin as her pulse quickens.

“You have excellent taste,” His eyes sparkle impishly. “This is one of my favorites too! I wonder what else we have in common, we should definitely take the time to find out...”

He practically purrs the last part, and she can’t help but laugh nervously at how easily he manages to fluster her.

“Back in college I used to be a member of this dance team, and this song was a part of one of our regular routines...” She confesses, voice trailing off as she realizes what she's just said.

Gods, why was she telling him this?! It wasn’t something she advertised, exactly. Though, there had been the occasional incident where Verda or Tina had walked in on her jamming out in her office in an attempt to blow off steam after a particularly nasty meeting with the mayor or a run-in with Bobby.

To her surprise, instead of laughing at her like she expected, Felix jumps out of his chair so suddenly she barely sees him before he is leaning excitedly over her desk. His face is so close to her own, she nearly falls backwards, chair and all at the sudden proximity.

“Show me?!” His excitement is hard to deny, and she finds herself smiling at his enthusiasm.

“S-show you? Like, now, here in the office?” She repeats, receiving a vigorous nod in return.

“Yeah, it’ll be much more fun than just waiting around for those reports. Besides, you can’t not show me after letting that juicy bit of information slip just now.”

He can’t be serious, she thinks, but looking into those earnest eyes, so open and honest, she knows there’s no way he isn’t. They’ve spent enough time together at this point for her to get a sense of the young vampire’s exuberant nature, and, lacking anything else of immense interest to distract him, she knows there’s no getting out of this without refusing him flat out.

The very notion of telling him ‘no’ and potentially losing that bright smile of his doesn’t exactly sit well with her either, for reasons she doesn’t care to dwell on. So, sighing dramatically, she reluctantly gets out of her chair.

“Ok, ok…it’s been awhile so bear with me.” She says, moving to the middle of the room.

Shaking her arms and legs a bit, Eris takes a few steadying breathes in an attempt to quell her nerves. A difficult task considering she is now the focus of Felix’s attention, those amber eyes of his trained solely on her.

She has to think on it a bit, moving her feet and arms in various motions and poses before the movements become familiar again and, smiling like a fool, she is able to recall the entire routine from muscle memory until she is gliding and bopping across the floor of her office like she used to during her college days.

For a single, blissful moment, she forgets where she is. Caught in the nostalgia of her memories and the music.

Simpler, happier times when the world made sense. Before everything turned upside down, before poor Janet and Garret's deaths. Before her mother and Unit Bravo came crashing into her town, and life. Before she found herself being hunted down by a psychopathic vampire for a mutation within her blood she never knew she had before a few days ago.

Just dancing, in the quad with her former classmates and friends. Laughing, letting all their worries melt away as they practiced their routines. Improvising along the way, goofing off and having a good time despite the pressures of upcoming exams and troublesome boyfriends or girlfriends.

Felix watches her the entire time, absorbing the routine with such an immersed focus she can’t help but feel the heat creeping up along her neck to the tips of her ears. Especially when his eyes seem to stray to her swaying hips, his interest blatant and intense.

Swallowing hard, she comes to an abrupt stop and laughs awkwardly. Staring at the floor, with it’s uninteresting color palette. “Welp, yeah…that’s it!"

I’ll just go die of embarrassment now , she groans internally as she turns back to her desk.

“No, wait!” He stops her, reaching out to catch her by her arm. She shivers. The touch of his hand on her bare skin sends a pleasant warmth throughout her body, traveling all the way down to her toes. It's not dissimilar to the same feeling she'd experienced the day they'd gone to Kate's, when he'd ventured to touch her before getting back into her poor, beat up hatchback.

He feels it too, staring down at where his hand grasps her forearm. His smile softens, and he takes the moment to brush his thumb along her skin. As if relishing the touch and the sensations it gives them both, and she relaxes into the touch. “I really liked it, your dance. I think I got the moves down, let me try it with you, please?”

She only hesitates a moment as she considers, before nodding. He releases her, though he appears reluctant to do so. To her own surprise, she also feels a pang of regret at the loss of contact.

Grabbing her phone from her desk, she opens up her playlists on her music app. It doesn't take her long to find the song she's looking for, despite the numerous playlists she has collected over the years.

Music had always been therapeutic for her, a means of escaping or dealing with the world in the absence of her mother. Dancing was an extension of that, a fun hobby that had helped her work off stress and gain a few friends along the way.

And now, here in her office, during what had to be the most chaotic time of her life, she was able to share it with Felix. Grinning at the thought, she positions her phone upright before pressing play. The same song from the radio begins anew, and she returns to her position in the center of the room.

This time, Felix happily sidles up next to her, so eager she can practically feel him vibrating with barely contained excitement. She’s never met anyone with so much raw energy before, and she’s sure not even Tina could match him in sheer vivacity.

As they begin the routine, Eris can't help but think he would have made an excellent addition to her former dance team. In more ways than one, she decides after they run through the steps a few times. He's a quick learner, following her lead, and perfectly imitating every movement..

Surprisingly, it’s not long before they fall into an easy groove. Their timing, uncertain and new at first, quickly becomes almost second nature by the time they all but perfect the routine and soon they find themselves laughing and smiling as they lose themselves to the rhythm. Felix is a natural performer, his movements graceful yet laced with his usual cheer and vibrance, as they dance to the hip-hop tempo of the song.

“She walks like a model

She grants my wishes like a genie in a bottle (yeah yeah)

'Cause I'm the wizard of love

And I got the magic wand

All these other girls are tempting

But I'm empty when you're gone

And they say

Do you need me?

Do you think I'm pretty?

Do I make you feel like cheating?

And I'm like no, not really 'cause

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her”

Eris can only imagine how they would look to the rest of the station, if Tina or Verda, or god-forbid Douglas, walked in on them at that moment. There would be no end to the heckling she’d endure, that was for sure but for now it didn’t matter. They were carefree and safe behind these four walls, away from the troubles that haunted her outside of the sanctuary of her office.

The song eventually ends, but her playlist goes on, queuing up the next song in her library. It's another dance hit, one she recalls often being played in the local bars and dance halls that she and her friends would frequent. Dancing long into the night, until they were a merry band of sweaty limbs and clothes, high off the adrenaline and fruity cocktails plied by the bartenders and eager would-be paramours.

“Ah, hell yeah!” Felix laughs, “this is another good one! Your playlist is fire, detective.”

Without pause, they throw themselves into the new song, adding their own unique bit of flair here and there as they dance.

“Any cool routines go with this one?”

She shakes her head as she shimmies and rolls her hips playfully around the vampire, who watches her closely. “Nope! Completely freestyle, think you can handle that?”

“Oh, I can more than handle…” He promises, rolling his lips suggestively. He beckons her, wagging his finger in a come-hither gesture. “Show me what you got, detective?”

She laughs, mirth bubbling over.

For the first time since all of this mess started she feels light, her natural endorphins kicking in and setting her at ease.

When the moment presents itself, Felix takes the opportunity to take her by the hand. Twirling her here and there, bringing her closer as her back falls against his chest before whipping her away once again. He's quick on his feet, and thanks to her years of experience, dancing with numerous partners Eris finds herself able to match and meet his pace with little trouble as the two moved in tandem.

Soon enough, they find themselves swaying together. It’s the closest she’s ever been, physically, to the younger agent by themselves. A fact that Felix seems to pick up on as well, though he feels very little inclination to resume any distance between them. If anything, he takes advantage of the moment, eyes eagerly seeking her’s as he dares to rest his hand on her waist.

The touch sends an instant jolt up her spine, but she doesn't push him away. Instead, she melts into him, meeting his gaze and welcoming the heat that has been building between them.

She’ll never get over how beautiful his eyes are. Like gemstones, sparkling gold and striking. She could lose herself in them forever. It’s amazing how easily they fall into each other, as if they’d been dancing together for years.

“This kind of music and dancing is definitely more my speed, not like the fancy ballroom dancing Nate likes. Though, he is really good at it.” Felix breaks the tension, laughing lightly. “He did teach me a few fun moves too.”

She barely hears him, but smiles and nods anyways. The blood pumps loudly in her ears, heart racing as she feels the sweat begin to drip down her temple. It’s been awhile since she went this hard. Usually, even her most energetic dance sessions were within the safe confines of her apartment. Felix, frustratingly, looks unperturbed by all their physical exertion. Yet another vampire perk, she guessed.

"Here comes the dip!" He announces suddenly, leaving her only a fraction of a second to react as he suddenly drops her downward.

Her arms reach out, instinctively wrapping around his neck to keep from falling. He may not have the sheer muscle mass or height of his companions, but Eris can feel the strength in Felix's arms and neck as he holds her tightly. He’s slender, but solid.

"Don't worry, I got you!" He laughs, lilting voice taking on a huskier tone as he speaks. "I won't let you go, unless you want me to…though, that may be a bit difficult. I kind of like holding you like this.”

Eris feels her heart skip a few beats as she processes his words. Chest rising and falling as she attempts to catch her breath, the heat that had momentarily been abandoned returning full force, crackling in the sparse space left between them.

Charged and tempting, like a favorite candy left unsupervised on the table. All one had to do was give in, indulge in that first, sweet taste...

“Well, you two seem to be having fun.”

Startled, Eris looks up to see Verda standing in the doorway of her office. There is no mistaking the twinkle in his eye, or the amused twitch to the corner of his mouth and suddenly Eris feels the need to bury herself in a deep, deep hole. Beside him, or more like towering behind him, is an all too familiar, and exceptionally handsome face.

“Felix, this is hardly what I’d call escorting Eris home.” Nate sighs. Despite his soft rebuke, she can still see a small, indulgent smile on the man’s face.

“Oops, sorry Natey!” Felix laughs, quickly helping her back to her feet. “We were just having a bit of fun. Right?"

He shifts his gaze back to her, eyes bright, still filled with the vigor of their dancing and the sizzling remnants of their lost moment.

"Sorry, Nate it's my fault." Eris tries to apologize, smoothing the wrinkles from her shirt. It was more a joint effort, if she was being honest, but she was also the one who gave into Felix's request in the first place. So, she felt somewhat responsible for their delay.

It felt silly, like being caught by a parent with a cookie from the cookie jar before dinner. Not that she would know what that was like.

"I'd be inclined to believe that, Eris. However, Felix has a much longer track record than you when it comes to belying his duties." He says, casting a knowing look at said agent.

Felix only smiles with a shrug, looking perfectly unapologetic.

She chuckles, patting him on the shoulder. "Welp, I tried. Never let it be said I didn’t try to defend your good name.”

“Detective!” Placing a hand to his chest, Felix sighs dreamily. “My personal knight in shining armor. You sure know how to make a guy feel special.”

"I just came to deliver these for you, from Tina." Verda chimes in, passing the manilla envelopes to the still-grinning Eris.

"And where did Tina get off too?''

Now, his smile vanishes, "she left work a little early so she could try and catch Kate at the dental office, drive her home...poor woman has been on autopilot since her son's passing…"

A somber silence falls over the room, the reality of death reclaiming the once vibrant and merry atmosphere. It's almost suffocating.

Nate clears his throat, thankfully breaking the sudden quiet that blankets them all.

"Well, let's be off then before Adam comes looking for us both." Eris cringes, she can only imagine the stiff lecture that would follow if that ended up happening.

"Let me file these away, then I'll grab my coat and meet you two out front?"

"Sounds good." Nate agrees with a soft smile, warm brown eyes alight in good cheer.

After Felix, Nate is another member of Unit Bravo who sets Eris at ease. The man exuded a natural warmth and openness that was hard to resist, not to mention rare, for which she was grateful for. A stark contrast to the other two members of their team who were currently not present.

"A good night to you then, Eris." Verda nods, "I am going to call it a day, Eric and the kids have dinner waiting for me. Mustn't let it get cold, I’d never hear the end of it."

She smiles, nodding. "Have a good night, Verda. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, say ‘hi’ to the family for me."

The vampires move to follow the pathologist out of her office, Felix gracing her with another wink as he trails after Nate to wait outside.

"Hey, Felix." She calls out, before he disappears.

He stops in the doorway, turning back to smile at her. "What's up, detective? Itching for another dance already, because I wouldn’t say no to that."

"No, I mean - I would, it's just…" she runs a hand through her hair, letting out a breath. How did he always manage to get her so worked up? "Thank you."

"For what?" He asks, smile dropping a little in confusion.

"For...taking my mind off things. I was kind of in a funk before you came to get me, and the dancing just now...well, it really helped. So, thank you for that."

Eris thinks she's seen most of Felix's expressions by this point, the agent has varying degrees of excitement and cheer, whether genuine or cheeky. Occasionally somber, like he had been with Kate. But the look on his face now could only be described as, well, almost bashful.

"I, heh, well...your welcome, then." Eris blinks, surprised at his response. She's never quite heard him at a loss for words before. He turns away, rubbing the side of his neck. Was he, was he blushing? "Always here to help…"

He laughs, the sound not at all like his usual loud, boisterous laugh. More like a self-conscious chuckle, as he shifts awkwardly on his feet. “I, uh...I better get to Nate, before he thinks I am holding you up again. Don’t keep me-us waiting too long, alright?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of my presence, even for a few seconds.” She jests, enjoying the leverage she seems to have gained over the normally unflappable flirt.

He stares at her, as if he’s never seen anything quite like her before bursting into another nervous laugh. “Your something else, you know that?”

With that, Felix tears himself away and she smiles at his retreating back. It was nice to know she could throw the usually charming and cheeky agent off of his game, giving him a taste of his own medicine every once in a while was very cathartic for all the times he managed to leave her a stammering mess.

Still, biting her bottom lip in thought as she recalls the heated moment they'd shared, she wonders what would have happened had Nate and Verda not shown up. How much of this, all the flirting and back and forth, was simply a fun distraction for the vampire who seemed to draw her in so effortlessly with his easy smile and otherworldly eyes.

He seemed the type to love them and leave them, moving on to the next new and interesting thing that caught his fancy. Though, it felt wrong to think of him like that, as if there was still so much more to him she had yet to see and understand. Maybe there was more to him, hidden beneath the charming smiles and quick quips, waiting for the right person to take an interest and a closer look.

Watching her from a short distance, lingering at the station's entrance, she can't see the soft amber eyes that mirror her own musings. Wondering if maybe she might take him up on that second dance, just the two of them, and where it might lead.

Would it be so bad, he thinks. After this whole mess with Murphy was settled, he knew they'd be called away again to god-knows wherever they were needed next. But, watching the detective as she finished her day's work, catching the way she smiled softly as she mouthed a few familiar words from the song they'd danced to just moments ago, he feels a sudden, anxious kind of excitement pull at his chest at the possibilities.

Until then, Felix forces himself to turn away. With a spring in his step, he replays the feeling of her skin against his own, the beating of her heart, her enticing aroma surrounding him, overwhelming his senses. Snuggling into his thick, cotton scarf he savors the memory. Bracing himself for the cold, and Nate, both waiting for him outside the warmth of the station.

He would definitely need to see about that second dance, he decides with some conviction. Hopefully, before they were forced to return to their lives before all of this killing and madness.

With a wide grin, he hums happily, the same tune that he would now forever associate as their song to their first dance.

~ * ~

“Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her

She gives me love and affection

Baby did I mention, you're the only girl for me

No I don't need a next one

Mama loves you too, she thinks I made the right selection

Now all that's left to do

Is just for me to pop the question

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her.”

                                                            ~ * ~

Below is a link to the routine I had in mind when picturing Felix and Eris’ dancing, if you're curious, choreo by Blacka Di Danca ft. Fraules <3

Thank you for reading! I have a few more stories in mind for Flirty Hotville, so he may be making an appearance again here soon…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E46VmGLc88

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Rare ~ Matthew Tkachuk

A/n: Hey yall I love selena gomez. That’s all. This is just a short one so sorry about that but I just liked ending it where it was. More coming soon. Enjoy

“Matty I’m home!” I called out into the apartment slipping my shoes off. I hung up my purse and walked through the place. “Matthew?”

I wandered around until I got to the patio and saw him sitting outside on a beach chair. I took a minute to just stand there and admire him. Recently he was starting to make me feel kinda dumb for just wanting to look at how hot he was. To be honest our relationship was at a really rocky place right now and I didn’t know why or what changed.

I decided against going to talk to him and just went to get dinner ready instead. I put on some music quietly and started cutting up vegetables for a stir fry. I opened a window when it was time to cook everything so that it wouldn’t get too warm in the kitchen. I didn’t think of the fact that Matt would be able to hear everything inside until I heard the sliding glass door open and shut.

“Hi Matty.”

“Hi baby. I didn’t know you were home.” he said coming over and giving me a kiss on the head.

“I got back a little while ago. You looked so calm and relaxed that I didn’t want to bug you.”

“Eh, it wouldn’t have been that much of a bother.” he said shrugging and smiling at me.

“Wow thanks.” I said rolling my eyes, just as sarcastic as he was. “How was your day?”

“You’re gonna give me attitude like that and then ask me how my day was? Really?” he asked crossing his arms. Making me scrunch up my brows in confusion.

“What do you mean attitude? I was being sarcastic. Like you were.”

“I wasn’t being sarcastic.”

“Then that is definitely not any better and you deserve attitude for that.”

“No I don’t!”

“Matt you literally said me coming out to say hi ‘wouldn’t have been that much of a bother’.” I said mocking his voice.

“Yeah because it wouldn’t have been a big bother.”

“But it still would have bothered you if I had. So clearly I made the right choice by just staying inside.”

“Babe this is ridiculous. Stop fighting, because I’m sick of it right honestly.”

“So am I but how am I supposed to react when you blow shit up for no reason? I know everyone else let’s you do whatever you want Matty but I’m not. I know you hate that but fuck dude.”

“No one let’s me do anything I want what are you even talking about?!”

“Nothing, nevermind. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever, I’m done fighting. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.” he walked out of the room and I just finished dinner quietly. 

Pretty much as soon as our mini fight was done all was forgiven and back to normal. That’s what really bugged me, was how fast it went from bad to okay and the fact that I just had to go with whatever was happening. We were sitting on the couch watching Game of Thrones together until late into the night. I was getting restless sitting next to my super gorgeous boyfriend though. I was watching him more than the show by that point. I was sitting in a perfect position to just lean forward and connect my lips to his neck. Which I did. He didn’t react right away, or at all until I moved his shirt and started leaving a mark under his collarbone. 

“Whatcha doin little vampire?” he asked smiling squeezing my ass for good measure.

“You just looked so hot baby, I can’t help it..”

“Oh really? I’m just that hot huh?” he asked with a cocky smirk.

“You know you are.” I said pushing him back to lay down on the couch making him laugh. I crawled over top of him and straddled his waist going back to his neck. He grabbed my hips and pushed me down onto his growing erection groaning in my ear.

“You gonna go down on me? Take my cock in your mouth so good?”

“Please let me..”

“Always baby. Go ahead.” he shifted his hips to let me pull his pants down just enough to free his dick. I didn’t have to do much and it didn’t take long until he was finishing in my mouth. “Go wait for me upstairs baby. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Okay.” I smiled and gave him a kiss before going up to our shared room. After about 10 minutes I heard him talking to his friends on xbox live and knew that he was absolutely not going to be coming up to finish what was started downstairs or even just to come to bed for a long time. I laid in the bed and was just frustrated with how things were going. I couldn’t even get him interested in sleeping with me anymore. That was the last thing we really had at this point. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until about a week later that I decided to try something to get Matty’s attention. I spent the entire morning walking around the apartment with just a pair of underwear and a bralette on. He completely ignored me. While that felt like shit he told me on his way out that Johnny and Elias were coming over after practice so I decided to try and make him jealous. If he still got jealous there had to be something there right?

By the time all the boys got back I was laying on the couch watching some home improvement show. They were loud and joking around until they got to the living room and saw me.

“Hey boys! How was practice?” I asked, giving them smiles.

“It was good.” Johnny said.

“Hard.” Elias added looking at me.

“Not the only thing hard.” You heard Matthew mumble grumpily.

“What was that Matty?”

“Nothing babe.” he said rolling his eyes coming over and laying on top of me to give me a kiss. He got up and pulled a blanket around me before sitting up on the floor in front of me. I put my fingers in his hair and started giving him head scratches while they set up their video game. Matt let them go first and he just sat with me. I put my leg over his shoulder and he kept giving my calf small kisses until it was his turn. Pretty much at that point and for the rest of the night he just forgot I existed. The other two boys didn’t and it was nice getting some male attention but it wasn’t the attention I wanted. Eventually I just went upstairs and waited for hours with tears in my eyes. After a few hours he came up, crawled into bed, gave me a kiss on the back of the neck and pulled me close to him before falling asleep immediately. I laid there for a while before I shifted around and woke him up by turning on the lamp on my side of the bed.

“Babe? What the fuck are you doing?” he asked confused, rubbing his eyes.

“Can we talk please?” I asked quietly.

“It’s the middle of the night, can it wait?” he asked rubbing my arm softly. I broke into sobs and shook my head. His expression relaxed immediately and he pulled me towards him in a hug. “What’s the matter (y/n)?”

“Do you still love me?” I asked not beating around the bush.

“What? Babe of course I still love you! Why would you ever ask that? What’s this about?”

“Recently things have just been really hard. A lot of fighting, a lot of going to bed angry and alone, a lot of just not feeling very appreciated. It feels like you don’t care.”

“I’ve been making you feel like that? For real?” he asked in shock. I just nodded and fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.

“It feels like you’re getting ready to leave.”

“Baby no. Don’t think like that.” he held me closer to him and smoothed out my hair.

“I’ve always felt like you were it for me Matthew. I love you so much and now it just feels like I’ve been aiming too high and it’s not something you want, like you’re getting sick of me being around or something.”

“That is not even close to true. (y/n) you’re the only person I’ve ever loved. You changed me remember? I never thought I’d ever love one person, let alone love someone this much.”

“It just seems like you’re getting really sick of having me around all the time. Like I try to be there for you after a game and you’re annoyed. I try to help you by doing things around the house but you get annoyed. I try to go to every single game possible and you get annoyed when I miss one. It seems like anything to get annoyed with me for you just take it and run. I’m trying my best Matty. Not a lot of people would try this hard..”

“Baby nobody in their right mind would try this hard. That’s why I love you. You don’t care that it’s kind of crazy to want to be with me and try to make me better, you stick around and do it anyway. I know that you’re special and that I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I know I don’t do anything to help with the fighting and stuff but I just wish things were going smoother. I just get so mad when I do things for you all the time and you don’t do the same. It’s not fair. I’m there for you and I support you through everything and then you get upset with me and I just explode. I just feel very unappreciated. There’s no reason we shouldn’t be succeeding right now.”

“I agree. I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel like I didn’t appreciate every single thing you do for me and every single sacrifice you make. I get so angry and stressed out and I’ve been taking it out on you instead of putting those emotions somewhere more useful.”

“I don’t care if you take your anger out on me in ways that aren’t screaming at me and leaving me alone all night.”

“What do you mea- Oh! Oh..you little..” he just groaned and smiled throwing his head back. “Don’t make me think about that right now. I’m trying to be serious.”

“I’m sorry Matty.”

“I feel awful that I’ve let you go so long to the point where you blew up in the middle of the night.” he said frowning, playing with my hand. “What can I do to fix it?”

“I don’t know Matt..”

“How about we start going out more? Like going on dates again? Once or twice a week when I’m home or something like that. Just us two and we can talk and just be together one on one?”

“That sounds like it would be nice.”

“Yeah and I can start helping more around the house so you’re not as stressed out. I’ll even start going to the team therapist again if you want.”

“Matty that’s a lot of promises.”

“And I intend to keep every one of them babygirl.” he said softly bringing my face to his in a soft kiss. “You’ll see. I mean what I’m saying. I know how special you are and I would be a complete idiot if I didn’t listen to you seriously right now and do something to change how you’re feeling. I’m not willing to lose you. It can’t happen.”

“I don’t know what to say..thank you baby. I thought this was just going to be another big fight.”

“Absolutely not. I’m never going to fight and argue with you about something this serious. I never want to hear you sound so broken and sad because of me ever again.”

“I love you.” I said laying back down on the bed with him.

“I love you more.” he said kissing me again. “You’ll see baby. I’m going to turn this around.”

[iffyswriting]

ICE 2

With my forehead pressed against the wheel of my car, I took three big inhales each one for different unrelenting stresses.

Unwinding after my day made it easier to deal with going inside. Swiping up my phone I checked the time, knowing Daddy was probably waiting up for me.

11:12.

Getting to all my courage, I finally got out of my car and went inside my home, my father being exactly where I expected.

"Where you been?" He asked looking just as worn as me, his body limp in his big green reclining chair.

"I told you, I had practice. " I replied tiredly, dropping my keys into their porcelain pot.

"Janelle-"

"I already know what you're going to say and my legs hurt. Can talk in the morning?" He stared momentarily before waving me off, making my shoulders slump in relief. Walking towards the stairs, he cleared his throat making me turn around.

"You not gon' tell me good night?" Rolling my eyes with a tiny smile, I walked back over and placed a kiss to his cheek telling him I loved him. I walked down the stairs to the basement taking in my space.

Bouncing onto my bed I slid off my shoes my feet aching horribly. I  checked out the heels of my feet sighing at the bruises that lined them. Red and purple, red and purple as usual. I unscrewed the top off of my Vapo rub and swiped it onto my soles, letting it soothe my pain.

Flipping out my phone, I scrolled through it, pulling up some music for me to listen too.

SZA softly poured out of my speaker, Broken Clock's hypnotic beat floating into my ears as I laid down fully, curling up in my covers.I turned my music up a bit, letting it relax me further. I was so sleepy but my eyes wouldn't shut as I looked up at my ceiling tracing shapes with my eyes into my popcorn ceiling.

❄

"I have to be in this next competition," I told my coach, Simone. We either practiced early in the morning or late in the afternoon, to combat with both our schedules.

"What competition?"

"The one at the end of this month," I said in a duh tone. "I know you know about it. "

"And you know I'm going to be in it." She stood still before speaking.

"Do you think you're ready for it?"

"Of course I do!"

"Janelle, they not only judge off of skill but presentation and-" She started off looking everywhere else but at me and I tightened my jaw, my blood beginning to pump faster.

"I can get enough money for a decent costume."

"Can you?"

"I don't pay you to fucking degrade me, Simone." I spoke angrily sitting down on the bench stretching the shoestrings of my skates, tying them up tight.

"You barely pay me at all." I scoffed, snatching my guards off keeping my eyes on the other side of the stands.

"Then quit." She sighed her eyes softening as she looked me over, sitting down next to me.

"You know you'll have to tighten up."

"I will!"

"So that triple axel will be together by then?"

"Yes."

Hours passed and everything stayed the same.

Even with all my trying, all my attempts-I kept falling.  Hitting that ice felt like I was hitting a knife and I was repeatedly getting up just to stab myself all over again.

After my seemingly 100th try, I skated back to the bleachers needing to sit down and breathe. I gripped my seat trying to force the lump in my throat all the way back down, biting back any tears that blurred my vision.

"And you think you're ready." She said smartly, making my stomach twist into more knots.

"I am!"

"But you can't get this crucial part of you're routine together and you wanna throw yourself into an even harder competition!"

"I can do it sometimes!"

"Sometimes isn't guaranteed!"

"It's enough for me to keep going!"

"You're supposed to believe in me!"

"I'll believe when you try harder."

"All I fucking do is try!"

"Okay, Janelle." She brushed her hair back from her forehead and I counted each wrinkle, trying to focus on something else other than my burning anger.

"I think we're done for the day."

"Simone."

"We'll try again tomorrow." She spoke, set in her words. I didn't want to stop her because, at this point, I needed some space away from her.

It's so fucking frustrating.

I keep failing and failing and failing, yet I'm always expected to get back on my feet unscathed and ready for more action. I'm not this resilient person I'm putting on to be and it's becoming harder and harder each day to pretend I am.

Why can't I get it right?

I sniffle softly, my throat becoming tighter and tighter as the minutes ticked on mocking me.

"You not getting on the ice, today, Icey?"

I look back at the deep soothing voice, matching it to a handsome face.

A really handsome face.

He was much taller than me and leaned against the railing of the steps, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets. He was clearly freezing, goosebumps running up the side of his arm. I'd become used to the cold, so much it was like a second kind of blanket.

His skin was stark against all the white that surrounded us, a dark brown that reminded me of hot cocoa- the juxtaposition being a beautiful contrast.

"What'd you call me?"

"Icey. I don't know your name, so I just made up a lil something." He paused before licking his bottom lip. "Hope you don't mind."

"I don't. What was your question?"

"Are you not going to get on the ice today?"

"I'm not feeling it right now."

"Damn, I was hoping to watch you." He sounded genuinely disappointed and I was a little shook, starting to chew on my bottom lip.

"You watch me all the time?"

"Not all the time-"He said quickly, kind of flustered, "I just like the way you move and the sounds- I guess you do your thing or whatever." He finished off, studying my features sheepishly.

"I don't know if you're trying to be nice-"

"I'm being honest." Chuckling, I couldn't help but shake my head at him.

"Well, thank you for that. That's the first compliment I've heard about my skating in years."

"You can't be serious."

"I am."

"If I could get out there and fucking hurl myself across a block of ice every day, everyone would see it and everyone would be respectin' me and my talent."

"You're making it sound so insanely impossible."

"Not everyone can do it. " He paused again slickly starting to smirk. "Not everyone can do it the way you do."

"Stop hyping me up, stranger."

"Amir." He said quickly, his name becoming locked into my head.

"Stop hyping me up then, Amir."

"Well Stranger-"

"Janelle." I said making him let out a breathy laugh.

"Well, Janelle- I'd love it if you tried again."

"I don't know."

"I think your discrediting yourself too much. I know your coach yells at you about how you fuck up on this or mess up on that but- you still look breath-taking. Like a real-life figurine but with passion and grace."

I blinked unsure of what to say or how to feel.  Standing up straight, I leaned on the rail and gave him a small smile.

"Okay, I'll give it another go. Maybe your seeing something I don't."

I stretched to touch my toes then put my arms outward, my pose before I began.

Starting off slowly, I did an easy figure eight, looping in a circle.

I was in the air for a couple of seconds before landing on my feet, my arms in the air as I kept my balance. I couldn't dwell long in my excitement as I launched into a toe loop, spinning the exact way I should.

His straight white teeth were on display as I stood still finished with my performance. He clapped loudly, whistling too as my own grin grew wide on my face.

"I knew you could do it!" He yelled, His support making my heart thump harder in my chest as I bounced up and down in place.

"I don't know what you did but-"

"I didn't do anything that was all you!"

He gave me another thumbs up from the door and then turns on his heels leaving me alone in the great big space.

I didn't know what to think, or how to feel.

Well, I felt good- confident even.

I started to skate again doing the triple axel once more and I wish Simone was here to see it.

See that I could do it.

He made me think about why I loved skating so much, why I had to keep this dream alive.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time at my Grandma's house.

I didn't realize at the time it was because my father was unstable and he struggled to make things better for our little family.

At GiGi's house you could never expect but so many channels but on satellite, there was this one channel where figure skating was played regularly.

Little Janelle was captivated- it was the only thing that could keep me quiet because it was so beautiful and pristine. Princesses dancing on my screen, twirling on the ice in their gorgeous costumes and slicked up hair-dos.

None of these girls looked like me and I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to become someone

I expected my daddy to treat my dream as unrealistic but I didn't expect him to be as dismissive of it as he was.

When you're little you think that you can do anything and when you're supported in that, you keep aiming for stars beyond your reach.

My dad never had that philosophy. Aim for easy goals makes failure and heartache, not an option, so life goes smoother and you feel more settled.

I told him I wanted to be an Ice Skater and he told me I could clean the ice. I'd have an even better chance of working at the concessions.

You can only teach what you know, so I couldn't even be mad.

No matter what- I have to skate. I don't know if we've all got our destiny determined for us before we're born but I know that this one thing, I was always meant to do.

I know it's just a stupid sport but it's my passion and when you're so passionate about something you're willing to put your heart on the line consistently to see it through, you can't just abandon it when shit hits the fan.

Even when I fuck up, it's like I did it. I got a chance to fly even for seconds all on my own and when I come back down from my high still standing, it's a rush I refuse to let go of. When I succeed it only gives me more reassurance to keep going, never stop because there's a chance you're going to make it and people are going to know your name.

So no matter the circumstances, I gotta push as far as this skating shit will take me.

Because its the closet thing to a dream, I've ever wanted to be real.

@fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @chaneajoyyy @bakarilennox @domdollass

[404fmdhaon]

creative claims verification — superstar

summary: lyrical, composition & production claims for superstar warnings: none wc: 1880

when he steps into the studio inside bc — it feels like he’s in a state of limbo. nobody tells him frequency doesn’t relay to assimilation, and bc no longer feels like a home (despite how many hours he’s invested into the damn building). fuck it, he thinks. home is a piece where his body lays, imprints itself against the sofa and the chair. how his fingers rub the print raw of the keyboard, and how the grease of late-night eats come to smear against the mouse.

and if he’s had to guess the time he’s spent — it’s countless. an unlimited amount of hours ranging from the -ings of working on songs never released. yet, the cacophony brings resolve when nothing else speaks and jarred notes become a safe haven of comfort when he’s left alone in late hour spouts. 

when his body shoves past the doors, head down and shoulders curved, he’s met with nothing more than the hellos of an empty room. the lights flicker on, and the computer monitor untouched. his personal space, pristine from the night before by the way the piles of clothes topple upon the corner of the room (laundry, he’ll do eventually), and the barren toothbrush sitting in the pocket of his desk (he’ll use it later tonight).

it comes piece by piece by the time he sits himself on the desk, fingers pressing the button on for the monitor to come to light. he’ll use ableton today in lieu of what logic gives when the groan of his voice becomes reminiscent of nothing more than a heavy sigh of another recording.

make this album a good one, it’s your only time.

another heavy sigh, and he wonders what it’s like to press rewind. not fast-forward nor the resume of the tides of life. it’s the full-on riptide, and he’s left lost at sea where the tempest storms drown him whole. perhaps then, life would be kinder — but that sort of wishful thinking’s left for when his hands already click away to a barren file and the other’s pounding away on a keyboard with no thought in mind.

call it an effect that comes off the tails of weeks on end finishing up a song. the drawl in his voice, the deep baritone husk enough to give proof he’s irrational at best. built up motivation plucked by inspiration from the track done prior — he tries it again. gives it another go, something similar but blandly different. 

it all starts with the staccatos of a piano, the way they toss and jump illuminating the grin he has all goofy and lop-sided across his face (an effect of no sleep? or an effect of music itself? he couldn’t tell you.) the cacophony of the chords bring him back to the elementary days of picking up music the first time, his eyes crinkling the way they curve higher — still, to the third person view, it livens up to something somber.

the way the chords play a childhood book, and it’s a mere cry for help out in the open of an empty studio. he wonders how he can transpose it as the salve for the wounds gaping open — the harrowing feeling of loneliness now ripping stitch by stitch. and his only remedy? making the track flair with each and every embellishment of high-tone happiness, mimicking a circus imagery he crafts in his head. with the horns brought back, and the low-end percussion that adds with the ad-libs of snapping fingers. {it’s here he decides, the grand piano won’t do. he wants an electric key, borderline organ playing).

he saves it as a file — help.wav. 

but there’s no one to reach out, when he puts his hand forth. nobody to shuttle his woes in the gentle pats, swaying back — fuck. when was he ever in the seat of consolation paired with desperation? there’s a heavy sigh that escapes his mouth, when he runs back to the pen and paper. the eye of the beholder, and he positions himself in the role of the talker. weaponry in a stagnant pen and paper becoming the sole therapist to house his woes.

no talk back, no judgements. the pen and paper listen when he forces the unease ripping away from his chest, and for a second — he thinks he can breathe. feels his lungs cuff up with air. surprise, he doesn’t pant. doesn’t get startled. doesn’t slip out of his skin when he thinks of the first word that comes to his mind — superstar. 

the public paints knight as superstars, shining bright as the nation’s pick sitting pretty for the variable amount of years. (nobody ever tells you how lonely the top is. not when you’re surrounded by the bodies that become the walls to echo the voice you barely manage to sneak out when time calls). he writes down the things the public perception follows — a big house, a super car, money. honor. the limelight blinding his eyes to where it leaves him untouchable, ha. funny and incredulous, he doesn’t buy into it. 

self-made, he taunts it further by the time he closes his eyes and pictures his own house they gawk at. the art curated in expensive taste, the aid of his managers and the bodies that never frequent it. seoul forest becoming his own little garden and now, the song shifts in subject when it becomes a boast of his own hard earning works. 

it’s all money made from the years in knight. all the money funneled into the art that transforms his house into a galleria, and the richard mille watch that sits on his wrist. he laughs at how the ten year old learning the same chords would’ve billowed with stomach-hugging laughter at the sight of twenty-seven year old him living large, sitting on top. becoming the people on tv rather than the side shuffle of his father’s shadow. 

(he writes all of this down. again and again. each one engraving its mark deep into the persona he’s been filled to become). 

rap, hip hop. it all falls short when the stereotypes formulate the standard opinion: bad boys boasting about money. it’s a hopeless stereotype when he’s always five steps short of becoming whatever he’d imagine himself to be. 

it’s pointless to keep up a lie. so, he tells the truth. writes down the sadness that plagues him, and the melancholy that clings when he’s sitting alone in the studio — a part of his heart empty, far stretched away to where material goods do harm than good.

he asks for help.

“i need somebody.” 

the words feel uplifting, freeing by the time they meet the empty air. all tongue-tied and flustered, it’s the heat that rises again to flush out his cheeks. he writes it over and over, calls out for the help he won’t be met with tonight.

loneliness always a full-time burden.

and when another day brings freedom with recordings out of the way, no worry for knight behind the end of his i don’t give a fuck attitude, he ceases his comfort. comes to his own apartment, sitting down in the studio where the hard drive opens back to the state of disorder.

for that, he gives himself the benefit of the doubt — the feelings of home and comfort when he’s lounged out in a pair of sweats and the hoodie that wafts home. five pm, the leftovers in the fridge from the night before (he’ll eat that later, two am he bets.)

shit always go south, and by the time his phone rings and it’s another manager with another call — it’s the expectations coming to fill their predecessor: an early morning schedule the next day. gyujeong tosses the phone over his back — an aim straight to the sofa sitting pretty behind him, and he groans heavily back into the pillow that’s heard the brunt of his woes. 

he wants to forget about it all. forget about it even if it’s just for a brief moment, and this all becomes some fucked up reverie he’s lost in. five minutes of solace, and he’ll take it for the hours of wary shoulders tossing and turning at night. (he remembers how to forget, plugs in his hard drive and pulls up help.wav). 

the track plays with the recording he managed to finish the night — the effects of an all-nighter, and therapy in momentary bliss. he laughs, a pointed look tapered towards the empty screen as the demo takes over the silence. repeat, listen again. do it five more times, and he yanks away the beanie as his spine curves over the desk with fingers brushing past his lips. he knows what he sees. what he wants to salvage inside moments of sheer desperation where it’s the music that speaks louder than the voice that’s dwindled down in the past few years. 

no punches tonight, just the clicks that compose the song into frame. his voice sounds breathy when it plays, he picks that up on the second verse, easily. 

it’s bound to be a long night when he’s busy tuning his voice into something polished, less breathy. less gritty and rough when he wants the lyrics to speak to the masses that won’t read between the lines. it’s a reckoning all while a shame that he lays passive, using the music to speak on his behalf where his voice won’t raise higher. 

and by the time his head bobs, and it sounds more coherent. smoother, and flexible with the flow of his original intentions, there’s something that still lacks: desperation. there’s no urge to pull the spotlight back onto him, just the five seconds of a voice in hopes someone reaches their hands out — all warm and soft against the cracked dryness of his own. 

empathy, everyone says when you lack it, you’ll figure out the gaping void (they were right).

right inside each and every notion, and he bends over silently with his eyes on his screen and fingers edging to his temple, scratching then tapping. impatience flows back in when he files through the corner of his desk for a dusty mic that adds the hint to what he’s wanting: ad-libs.

it’s in the chorus where he wants to shout — call out for help. from anyone, for anyone. i need somebody becomes repeated, followed through when ‘anyone’ falls in his own voice in a multitude of different ways. soft, then harsh. loud and boisterous, passive and meek. what leaves the screen is nothing more than fifteen different ways for “anybody.” and “hello?”

he picks his favorite ones, the ones that breed desperation in the subtle movement of his voice. index finger and thumb against his chin, he taps patiently against the sides when satisfaction comes from a full picture. whole and somber with how the playback comes: belts of the music inside cheery chords, the addition of the horns then trumpets. fine-tuned by the base — then, it’s the lyrics that become the second hit, the punch that any sixth sense can pick up. hollowed out loneliness, and it’s a cry for help no longer seizing greatness nor the confines of things he’s collected over the years. 

[wroughtbetwixtfanfic]

A Place To Call Home, Ch 3.

Fandom: Rosewell, New Mexico.

Summary: A canon divergent take on Roswell, New Mexico, and the relationships between Isobel, Noah, and Rosa; later parts will shift the focus to Michael and Alex, as well as Michael and Noah. What is it like to share a body with another alien? Can broken trust be mended? Do the ends really justify the means?

Rating: M.

Tags: Canon divergence, minor character death, not really character death, body sharing, polyamory, hurt/comfort, addiction problems, sickfic, revenge, fix it, friends to enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies to lovers, Noah is complicated, cw: dubious age stuff for a little bit considering Nasedo/Noah is who-the-hell-knows how old.

Word Count: 2413

Rosa Ortecho was a hurricane.

She lived every moment as her last.  Her smile was pure light, and she was every single inch the sort of  person Nasedo could see Isobel falling head over heels for, especially  since Rosa had dumped her junkie boyfriend and gone clean in March. Of  course Nasedo had been doubtful at first. Rosa was human. Still. Rosa  loved astrology and music, dancing and poetry. She was an artist, but  the kind of artist with a fire in their soul. Rosa loved hard, lived  hard, hated hard. Everything about her was power, fast and intense and  exhilarating. It was impossible not to adore her.

Max was in love  with Rosa's sister, Liz, so of course he always went to the Crashdown  Cafe where Liz and Rosa both worked. And because Max went, Isobel went,  too. Rosa, with her wide, dark eyes and deep laugh, had grown fond of  Isobel. That much was clear. She'd sneak Isobel free fries. They'd share  a milkshake that had been made a little wrong. They would look up funny  videos on Isobel's phone, and play music on the cafe's jukebox while  Max and Liz were distracted elsewhere. It was good to see Isobel laugh,  after everything she had been through. She deserved to be happy, and it  made sense that Rosa's kind-hearted, wild spirit would bring Isobel that  happiness.

What Nasedo hadn't anticipated was how much he would  find himself feeling affection towards the human, too. Nasedo pretended  that the emotions belonged to Isobel, and Isobel alone. It was easier  that way. Besides, Isobel was under the terrible stress known as 'senior  year'; between Isobel trying to deal with her own internalized  homophobia and school, it was all Nasedo could do to keep her held  together. He couldn't take the time to look too closely at his own  feelings or bother Isobel with them. Isobel's health was all that  mattered.

At least, that was until a Friday night as the Crashdown.

Isobel never admitted that she went there to see Rosa. She didn't admit it that night, either. "I just need to relax," she complained. "There's only half the year left, and I've been studying for like, three days straight."

Nasedo  withdrew, as he always did when Isobel wanted time to herself. The  nerve-searing pain was easier to deal with, when he knew that he would  be escaping it again soon enough. Sooner than he expected, in fact. It  hadn't been very long when he was snapped back to Isobel, waking up in a  daze; the transition was usually slower, smoother. What had happened  that has caused Isobel to panic so much?

"Isobel? Are you okay?"

Rosa. Nasedo blinked, scrambling to recover. "Sorry, Rosa. I'm a total space case today."

"It's  okay." Rosa frowned. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,  shifting her gaze away. "Uhm, if you don't want to go to the movies,  it's okay. I just thought that maybe... Maybe we'd have fun."

What  would Isobel want? He knew Isobel was falling for Rosa. He also was  certain Isobel would never go on her own. But, well, Nasedo wanted to  go. What harm would come from a movie? "Sure," he replied with as  charming of a smile as he could muster. Rosa's eyes fluttered. "I'd love  to go. Text me with the info?"

Rosa snatched Isobel's phone and  entered her contact information, the frown on her face replaced by a  sunny grin. "Cool. It's a date."

Their eyes met, and Rosa's grin  turned shy. Nasedo smiled back, his heart racing as he left the cafe and  headed home. It was a bad idea. He knew it was a bad idea. And yet, he  couldn't stop himself from feeling a flicker of joy. That was, until he  got home and Isobel returned, pacing in their room as she took the body  from him.

"Why did you do that?" she groaned. "I can't believe you."

"I thought you'd be pleased."

"I kind of am, yeah. I don't know. Things are complicated."

"She likes you and you like her. What's complicated about that?"

Isobel stopped, taking a deep breath and curling her arms around herself. "Besides Roswell being a fishbowl full of jerks? I... I like you, too."

"I would hope so. We share a body."

"Nasedo."

He  paused at the strain in her voice. The meaning of her words became  clear, and he felt almost queasy. No, no, he wasn't good enough for her.  He'd been in stasis for almost a hundred years total, by human years,  and was practically a damn rotting corpse on top of it. "Isobel..."

"I love you. You don't have to say it to me, but I love you."

The  word made him wince. She was so young, and full of so much hope and  promise. He couldn't do that to her. He would never be able to hold her,  to take care of her the way a real, living, whole person could. Like  Rosa could. "I will always protect you," he answered, his voice gentle. "I will always be here for you."

Isobel  said nothing. Thankfully, a text came through right then, the metallic  chime saving them. He looked at it through her eyes, intrigued. Pirate Radio, 9pm showing tomorrow. Sound good?

"It's your choice, Isobel."

Isobel fiddled with the phone. "You like her, too. Don't you?"

Nasedo  didn't answer. He didn't know how, especially after Isobel's  confession. He cared for them both, in their own unique ways. How to  explain that? But in the end, he didn't really have to; Isobel was  connected to his mind and thoughts, as he was connected to hers, and he  felt the moment she accepted the strange situation they were in. A tiny,  wry smile tugged at her lips as she opened the text.

Sounds fun. I'll meet you there.

A few minutes later, another chime. Great! Goodnight! <3

Nasedo  stayed quiet as Isobel went about her bedtime routine. He knew it by  heart. He knew her favorite products, the order she used them in, and  the exact number of uses left in each bottle before she would need new  ones. He knew how hard she was working to accept the little mole by her  nose, because it was part of her and she refused to take a knife to her  body to please silly beauty standards. He knew the story behind every  scar on her body, like the curved burn mark by her pinky finger she got  when she was seven, newly adopted and ignorant of what an oven was and  the fact that heat would hurt her. Her homework, in their bedroom, would  be stacked just so and color coded and triple checked for any errors.  The outfit she planned to wear the next day would be folded neatly over  the back of the desk chair. Their bedroom window would be open exactly  two inches, to let in the cool nighttime air.

Favorite things,  dislikes, habits. The way she'd smooth her hair when she was anxious.  Each and every aspect of Isobel's life, he had memorized. Each, he found  more and more endearing as the days passed. Was that... love? Was that  what love was, in the end? It wasn't the same excited, nervous feeling  Isobel experienced when she thought about seeing Rosa. It wasn't the  passionate fireworks that were in all of the human movies, books, and  songs. No. It was quieter, calmer. They shared a connection that they  would never share with anyone else, and that was... special. Precious.

Thankfully,  Isobel didn't comment on his thoughts. She tuned them out, giving him  privacy to mull in peace. Not that it did much good. They fell into a  restless sleep, and spent the next day on edge. Isobel was refined,  intelligent, elegant, proud, orderly. Nasedo was supposed to be the  dauntless one. Regardless, even he found himself starting to get nervous  as 9pm drew closer. He still had no idea what he was doing, but at  least he and Isobel were in the same boat.

"If our parents find out..." she muttered as she adjusted her hair in the mirror. If she kept messing about, they'd be late. "God. Are we really doing this?"

Nasedo  shook his head and gently took control of the body, only long enough to  steer her out of the bathroom and towards the door. "They won't find out. People go to movies all the time."

Luckily,  Max had went with their parents to some country club thing. Disgusting.  Nasedo checked their outfit one last time before heading out; basic  black blouse, dark wash jeans, black boots. Perfect. They strutted down  to the movie theater, flashing a bright smile as they saw Rosa waiting  by the door. Rosa blushed as Isobel held the door for her; they paid for  the tickets, but went double dutch on the snacks. Nasedo watched from  his corner of the mind, fascinated. In the four years they had shared  bodies, Nasedo had never seen Isobel so... open. Carefree.

It was  when the movie let out that Isobel's bravado faded. They were walking  to the park, the streetlamps lighting up the night with a soft glow. "I  want to show you one of my favorite places," Rosa said, giving them a  mysterious look as she headed into the park. "C'mon."

Curious,  Nasedo followed, shifting to the front as Isobel hesitated. Maybe Isobel  cared about curfews and closing times, but he didn't; most human laws  were based in fear, anyways, not in common sense. Rosa led them to the  center of the park, to a gazebo. It was pretty, with lattice work along  the sides and shining white against the darkness. Rosa twirled in the  center.

"This is your favorite spot?" Nasedo asked. "Why?"

Rosa  leaned against one of the posts and shrugged. "I have a lot of favorite  places. Spots where it's quiet late at night. Places I can go to think.  I can just exist here for a while, you know?"

"I don't know. I hate being alone."

"I'm guessing you've never had an overbearing dad."

Nasedo thought back to the Evanses, and to his own family. "Not especially. My family is more of the seen-not-heard type."

"Maybe we should trade."

"You  wouldn't be any happier. They treat you like a disgrace if you use the  wrong fork at dinner, or can't name three pro golfers."

"Wow, I'd  fit right in." Rosa wrinkled her nose. They both laughed; Rosa sighed  after, digging around in her purse and pulling out a few pens. "My dad  means well, but sometimes it makes it hard to move on when he keeps  treating me like I'm broken."

Nasedo watched as Rosa took the pens to the gazebo post, a blank canvas for her bleeding soul. "What are you doing?"

"Mayhem, mischief, delinquent behavior. It's how I get my highs now."

"Can I try?"

Rosa arched an eyebrow. "You? Isobel Evans?"

"Maybe I'm sick of being the person everyone thinks I am."

"Yeah."  Rosa frowned, offering her pens. Nasedo picked the black one, turning  his eyes to his side of the post as Rosa spoke. Her voice was  increasingly bitter, upset, as she colored in her drawing. A rose,  covered in sharp thorns. "It's, like, a Roswell rite of passage. One  day, everybody in this town gets together and they, like, decide who you  are, and that's who you get to be. Forever. End of story. Doesn't  matter if you change or improve or figure out that you're not even who  you thought you were to begin with."

Nasedo began to sketch the  symbol of his homeworld. Three circles, connected in the middle and  forming a triangle. "And who are you?"

"I don't think I know that yet. Do you understand who you are?"

"Some. Less than I'd desire."

Pausing, Rosa leaned to glance over Nasedo's shoulder. "What is that?"

"Just something I've drawn since I was a kid."

Goosebumps  formed over Nasedo's arms as Rosa's breath moved along his neck. Isobel  sensed the flicker of distress from him, and moved to take control  again. In the nick of time, too. A cop car drove by, slow, forcing them  to scamper out of the park before they were caught. It was, Isobel would  later admit, a thrill. Enough of a thrill that she finally seemed to  get over her shyness, happily chatting about the movie as they walked  towards Rosa's home. Everything was fine until they got one street away.

"You  don't have to come with me the rest of the way," Rosa said as she  stopped underneath some trees, standing safe in the shadows. "I mean.  Aren't you afraid that somebody's gonna see us?"

"If I'm being  honest? Yeah, but that has nothing to do with you. My parents would  freak out if they knew I went out on a date with a girl."

"Was this a date?"

Isobel  stared at Rosa. Rosa didn't seem angry, or grossed out or anything.  More... tense, inquisitive. And, maybe, a little hopeful. That tiny  tinge of hope what what bolstered Isobel's courage. "Do you want it to  have been?"

"I think so. It's just... I've never done this  before. With a girl, I mean. And it's the first time I've liked someone  since I've been clean. I'm not sure I know what I'm doing."

"Would it make you feel any better if I said this was my first time, too?"

Rosa smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, it helps."

They  walked the rest of the way to the cafe, each lost in thought; Nasedo  kept his senses open, watching for trouble. The street was empty. They  were safe. When they got to the door, Rosa turned and wrapped Isobel in a  hug. Isobel froze for a split second, then hugged her back. "Goodnight,  Rosa."

"Goodnight, Isobel."

Slipping into the cafe, Rosa  locked the door behind her and headed in. She paused, turning and  glancing at Isobel over her shoulder. She smiled again, and gave them a  wave; Isobel and Nasedo both felt their shared heart beat faster. Then  she was gone, vanishing into the diner and heading to the apartment  above it.

For a moment, Isobel didn't move, her hand pressing  against her chest as she sucked in a long, slow breath. Rosa's parting  smile was stuck in her head. Despite herself, she couldn't help but  smile, too. "We're in trouble, aren't we?"

"Yes," Nasedo replied, desire and dread mixing together in his chest. "We are."

[raguna-blade]

Revolutionary Girl Utena 25-29

Hey we’re 10 eps away from the endgame and me actually properly compiling this into something comprehensible because ohgodi’mtryingnottothinkaboutcreepyfuckakio. Sick flips on him though shit i’ll give him that.

Episode 25

So in light of the next episode preview, the opening is 100% more ominous.

Uh...Uh..Cars? Driving?Is...That Akio in the car?

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT. Akio?Uh...Uh...Am I reading too deep? That whole driving sequence felt...uh.

Goddamnit akio.

Holy shit the room is nice though. Like damn.

Wakaba...Ok, I get it.

Akio just god.

….Roses cutting between utena and anthy and family. Uh...hm.

Oh...Uh...Akio looked furious.

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT? Who are these people in the bck?

Rose duel place got...a gondola? Changed up?

The baseball metaphor suggests Saonji about to get blown the fuck out?

OH GOD NO FUCK PLEASE.

MORNING STAR? DERIVATIVE NAME? THIS FUCKER IS THE DEVIL

Anthy Framing is...uh...metaphro. Terrifying.

Is...Is anthy Jealous?

The Evil Laugh cinches any chance of this being ok.

….the Yin Yang thing? Again...

you seem familiar to me too? Uh...Anthy?

...Is that Dios?

THE TRUTH IS WHAT? WHATS THE TRUTH ANTHY?

Saionji played himself.

….Is...The car thing...What the hell? Why did his shirt fly open. And the Car...?

….What's with the horn...?

Akio, why do you look like a knock off dios...?

Is this a Touga Saionji centric ep...? Is this a bro moment?  I mean fuck touga, he ain't trustworthy, saionji had it right.

Akio saved the Girl who is implied to be utena. But...He's been in the castle for years.

Akio where the FUCK is your shirt.

Ok, that was actually cool as hell, I just wish he wasn't you know...Him.

...Saionji feelin himself again after the ride with Akio. Which...God, i'm hoping it's just me reading too much into shit and not that what I think happened happened.

Saionji, what the actual shit. Why is it every time you drop further down?

Shadow girls old schoolll?

Half the suffering twice the pleasure...?

Oh shit is this a new Apocalypse? Yeah man. YEAH MAN SHIT LOOKS DOPE ABSOLUTE

WHAT THE FUCK UTENA YOU NOT GONNA REACT TO ANTHY JUST...ANY OF THAT?

What's with the tree?...Is the lipstick new?

But the flower bush through anthy's clothes...?

That car...?

….He's not wrong at the moment about the lack of will.

What the fuck is going on with these cars...?

Oh...Oh boy saionji that face. I just realized he shows up almost without fail when shits about to go wrong.

...The Sword...? What the fuck? Did Anthy...?

Is this a remix?

….Uh...Huh. That's...Utena's Sword? That 's utena's sword. I guess...Drawn from her by Anthy. For the first time really clearly showing volition.

….Oh god damnit. Akio. Fucking.

The Sword of Dios did not appear..?Huh.

Anthy hesitated and...Akio hm. Yeah, I mean no surprise but.

And Akios made of stars now.

OH SHIT NEW CLOSING?

On the elevator...And stars? Something BIG changed I think. That's what it feels like but fucking what? ABSOLUTELY NO DIOS here, no akio like, none of it. Just anthy and utena.

Huh. So is everyone fighting Utean again?

Episode 26

Oh hey, I guess the uncomfortable car ride is the new thing.

And now Akio want's Anthy engaged to someone else huh. WONDER WHY.

And Touga. Touga you being played. You don't even realize. Or do you?

...Kozue how did you...?

Birds?

Also, jessu you two please.

Chuchu what the hell are you doing.

Kozue. Uh...?

That person. What's the beef with their parents.

Also, why does Anthy know so much about birds?

The voice thing was....?

Akio, what do you think of her. Yee. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

ANTHY DO SOMETHING YOU'RE LIKE THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD!?

Also, is the sleeping thing a new repeat scene?

Harsh as hell indeed. Typical Anthy.

Defeat Utean for the good of the duelists.

Adults saying it's for their own good, not trustworthy huh.

Also that chair.

What the fuck is anthy doing at Miki's dads place...?

Is...Is that ACTUALLY anthy?I don't think so...Anthy as a symbol?????

What? WHAT THAT...can't be right.

GOD DAMNIT AKIO. Wait, isn't this the same shit Touga pulled?

Touga....Goddamnit. Wait. This is person 2 saying I reject being a duelist, and Touga shows up like some weird fucking devil.

THERE! CAN'T YOU HEAR IT!?

New Hellavator confirmed.

Kozue and Miki? MIKI HE'S DATING A SCHOOL GIRL ITS NOT OK

...Yeah the...disheveledness. This uh...Hm.

Become impure as well. Lose your purity. uh. Uhhhhhh....

The fucking rose? AGAIN?

Seduced Touga. Yeah, ok, the implication is uh...yeah.

Utena standing on the landmine. Utena's oh no is yeah.

Ufo Crash? Again? Gambling Shadow Girls...? This is clearly about Miki getting suckered.

So Absolute destiny time and...Yeah, some weird shit is going down here. And it seems like Utena is ABSOLUTELY fucking shit up for someone.

Oh wait, anthy's outfit full of pink roses. Filled up with thoughts of Utena? Huh.

BLUE ROSEBRIDEOUTFIT?...wait what? But it's Kozue. And no longer trying to draw anthy's sword huh.

Kozue...What the fuck?

And Miki, I thought you were over this shit.

Why are they...both in the car. oh..Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And Anthy is just kinda dead.

Um. Uh...Kozue....? what the Actual fuck are you doing? I mean I know what it looks like so. But Uh...And Anthy, you wain't doing nothing?

Straight up called Miki a coward...Which..ok. I think I get why...? I don't get why.

Do you have any problems you can't tell people about...?

Episode 27

...Wait is this Nanami's Duel time? Oh boy...

What's with eggs though...?

Did...did she lay an egg....? Is...Is this a menstration thing....?

I can't tell if this is literal or a symbol because this series is just like that.

Full on ATE that ball to the face. God.

I'm not even sure if this is filler episode nonsense because it's just...

I mean we got the boy, so probably “filler” but...

...So it was actually laid. And it looks like a easter egg.

...Rose again.

THIS 100% reads like some kind of discovering new things about your body thing. Like I ain't familiar with young girls fiction so...

oh hey it's juri.

Making fun of me for being so late its...

this bowling ball thing is...what.

This

What the fuck I can't even.

Juri looking FRESH on the blowing alley.

So...What's even going on here. What's the...

These fucking Songs for nanami though.

I'm half waiting for the episode to reveal yeah laying eggs it's the thing that happens you know how it is.

JESUS. The Boy Hey if there's a problem I want you to talk to me. Which is Utena and anthy ALL over again. So...Nanami's reaction is...Anthy's...?

….Anthy. Anthy do you know what happened? With whatever weird bullshit I 100% believe you had something to do with it.

…............I prefer girls. I too prefer Girls

Touga: ITS ONLY BOYS AND GIRLS WHO GET TOGETHER THAT WAY. NO MATTER HOW GOOD IT FEELS.

Also, going against gods plan huh...?

is...what...is the what is the egg metaphor even DOING here. Like, pitty the family who's daugther lays eggs and...what.

Shadow Girls....wha...what the fu

treating this like an actual child which...ok...uh...what is...

Is the egg laying thing a saying that didn't translate?

Another song...?

Saionji what the fuck are you...doing.

Eggs are something you normally eat.

Jessu nanami got the blows.

Saionji, Hey you want some eggs I got eggs. Midnight Egg Frying. Respect for that.

...now utena and Anthy...wha...what?

Do you believe in reincarnation...? Elephants dying by themselves.

Yes utena, why are we talking about this.

...Wait, if Nanami is Anthy....did...wait...I...do not

what the christ is happening with this egg.

Oh hey, the chick broke the shell.

Was that a dream ANOTHER EGG?

Also, why are we getting a filler episode. We usually only get those after some hardcore nonsense.

….Why does anthy look so fucking sad.

Episode 28

Oh hey, it's a rose. ...Also, prefers girls, next episode is about Juri. uh...hm.

Who's this douchebag.

Why is this music so fucking ominous. Did Akio bring in a ringer.

...Did they draw? He won.

Ex Captain. Is this the dude Shiori was into.

Luka Suchi(spelling?). The Actual Captain. Ruka. Ruka.

He a duelist. And Juri doesn't sound happy about it.

Who is this douchebag. Touga 2.0 Better. Smoother(?) Bluer?

Is...Is he the only male fencer there...? Wait, are the fencers mostly women?

Tsuchiya. So it was the captain then who Shiori was into and did that whole thing. No wonder she doesn't like him.

Uh hold up, I mean you do you. Oh the two seem happy. Well...that's..fine...?

Oh here's Juri, lookin fucking pissed.

Keep your hands off Shiori.

Ruka is...suspect as fuck I mean that's a given but.

Hey it's the bed again.

OH YOU GET BAD VIBES FROM RUKA AND NOT AKIO? HOW. HOW HES 100000% LESS SUSPECT AND YET?

I mean it sucks for Juri, but Oh nope there he's doing it to piss off juri for some reason. What a douche. Damn.

Deffo Touga 2.0 Less overtly sexual though so...Improvement...?

What the...What the hell did Ruka do that she doesn't trust him so much?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE TOUGA?

….Is...the Car? Juri? It's gotta be right?

Finally someone looking at him with sufficient what the fuck

…..You're an adult now...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Where did your...shirt go..

AKIO AKIO WHAT.

THROB OF THE ENGINE

Car is 10000000% something about sex, but like...

Shiori feels...odd. Here.

Shadow girls. What...? god what? um...the...ok. That felt...weirdly uncomfortable.

The gap between these shadow girl duel car sections is getting smaller I swear.

Another Rose Bride huh.

That was oddly humble of a duelist admitting he might lose.

Homie is WEIRDLY humble and it is throwing me no lie.

So wait, the car is I guess sex or something so...wait, does that mean that Kozue and Anthy had sex at some point.?

And I suppose them crashing is the things didn't work out kinda thing. Kozue looks fucked UP.

Ruka failed because of his rose bride? Huh. And then we cut to Juri...? hooooooooooboy. Nope don't like the implications at all there.

Episode 29

Believe in Miracles huh...Yeah it's...Juri time.

Oh she wasn't polishing Ruka's sword huh...

Oh damn this looks bad. Shiori you got attatched FAST. What the fuck...happened.

And she's just devastated so that's uh...not...greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Juri is PISSED.

Juri, I am NOT INVOVLED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. NOPE NOT I.

Anthy. ANTHY PLEASE JUST SAY SOMETHING GOD. PLEASE.

Shiori. Kinda...Kinda stalkery there.

Uuuuuuuugh. Another schemer. But Blue. With I guess Akio inbetween.

Shiori does not look...well. Her reaction to Juri seems...Uh..Hm.

Juri. Fuck him upppppppppp.

….Wow this got a bit uh...REALLY RAPEY NEVER MIND. FUCK THIS GUYYYYYYYYY.

Is...that why she...hm. Ruka is A DOUCHE. Full on. Goddamn.

...You challenged him to a duel? Juri. JURI NOOOOOOOO.

Goddamnit. Can't you hear it. Fucking hell akio again.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooodamnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

DO ANYTHING I ASKED YOU TO. DAMNIT

Is...ruka driving? No. that is not the case.

Ruka: I make you better.

Hoboy. Believe in miracles and they'll know your feelings. JURI said this?

Juri..Actually seems pretty in control here. Ok. Not happy about it but...Objectives.

Does nobody question these cars though?

DESTINY TIMMMMME.

God, can we get Ruka punched in the jaw? Just...Rocked right across the jaw a couple of times?

Juri is 1000000% not feeling this. Like...not at all

Juri losing when she's off her game don't count. She got played. That was that touga anthy bullshit all over again.

Actually...yeah it is isn't it. Hm

The Super Move Failed. And Juri is uh...not  handling it. At all. There goes that brooch and...hoo. This is painful to watch.

Took the rose off. Fuck this shit.

Its...raining. That's...weird. Just on the dueling arena.

Hit him. HIT HIM.

I swear i'll make it right? Fucking how? HIT HIM.

Juri don't believe it.

And Ruka...fucked off? Huh?

Did...did Ruka die. So he...did that for...Juri? And...

what?

And her unreaction to the shadow girls....hm

wish as hard as you can and they will know your feelings huh.

[aweirdkindofyellow]

Chasing the Missing Paths Pt. 3

Alex and Emma keep crossing paths, yet the universe just won’t allow them to be together

Sometimes we cross paths with somebody and take it for granted, only to regret not finding a method to stay in contact to keep paths aligned. It could be that cute guy you sat down next to on the bus or that charming girl who helped you pick up your books after you tripped in college. We’ve all had those mini crushes that we kept secret, only to forget. And so, you never see them again. You’ll remember them for a few days and then forget they ever existed, or they swarm your mind forever, making the agony worse. But what about the people that we bump into more than once at the most random of moments? They first seem like the stranger we’ll never talk to before, but then we see them again and again. Of course, eventually there will be communication along the lines of ‘hey, I saw you that one time at that one thing’ or maybe the flirty ‘are you stalking me?’, but what if the circumstances aren’t right? What if there’s always something holding one person back? This is a series of those events.

Part 3

The third encounter happened a little further from home. Well, if taken literally and not figuratively. It was 2012 by now and both Alex and Emma happened to be in the same building on the other side of the country. This was LA, the city where dreams came true. Or, at least, that was for aspiring musicians and actors, and only a small privileged portion of the people actually got to make their dream a reality. For Emma, however, the dream was back in New York. She still went to school on the east coast, she just happened to be in LA for an internship of a few months and was working on graduating. Alex was all over the place. He lived on the east coast, recorded on the west coast, and toured all over the world. The hectic lifestyle only made him restless whenever he was at home and had nothing to do. He loved his job and wouldn’t trade it for anything. So, now, where did these guys run into each other? At a recording studio in the aforementioned studio. Although technically labelless, Alex’s entire band was working on an album to come back as the band they wanted to be instead of the one they were instructed to be. It was quite a reasonable reason. Alex and Emma literally bumped into each other in the break room one afternoon. Emma was looking at the selection of fruit while Alex was getting some tea for his throat. The latter took a step back, causing him to knock into the other. “Oh, sorry!” Alex yelped, turning around to see who he had practically assaulted. “It’s fine,” Emma brushed it off. The bump wasn’t that bad, she was nowhere close to being knocked over. “Emma?” Alex frowned, wondering if he really had managed to encounter the girl from karaoke yet again. While he could still recognize her, she looked a little different. Her blonde hair was lighter, probably from the California sun, and she wasn’t wearing a cute dress, instead having gone for some simple plan blue jeans and a gray t-shirt. She nodded and took a good look at the guy. Once she was able to place him, she noticed that he hadn’t changed a bit. “Alex, right?” “Yeah!” He laughed in surprise. “It’s been awhile since you saved my ass.” “I’m assuming the flowers worked.” “Flowers? Oh right! Flowers! Yeah, they really did help.” He nodded, having briefly forgotten about that second time they met. “Anyway, what are you doing here?” “Oh, I’m doing an internship here,” Emma told him without giving any further details. Alex waited a few seconds to see if she would elaborate, but she didn’t, so he just grinned. “Awesome! I’m working on some music right now. If you want, you can take a look.” “Sure,” she shrugged and quickly grabbed an apple, “I’m taking a break, so I’ve got some time.” And so they took the elevator one floor up. Emma followed Alex until the end of the hallway, where he made a sudden right and walked into a room with a heavy wooden door. There were four other people in the studio. Emma assumed that the one at the control board was the producer, while the other three were just sitting around on a couch or office chairs. They had to either be friends or people Alex worked with. Emma didn’t even know Alex did anything related to music. “Hey guys, this is Emma,” Alex introduced as the guys were all staring at her in confusion. “I just wanted to show her what we’re working on.” “I recognize you,” the only guy with black hair pointed out. “Did we sleep together?” “No,” Emma said bluntly and scrunched up her nose, which Alex thought was adorable. “She’s the girl that sang with me during karaoke,” Alex clarified, hoping they would remember as well. They were all just blanking. “... after Megan walked out?” “Oh right!” Jack, the guy with the black hair, snapped his fingers. “The girl who didn’t want to give me her number cause she didn’t know me! Or Alex. But you guys obviously know each other if you’re here now.” “We don’t really know each other except for that evening,” Alex explained, seeing now that he had brought up a complete stranger without knowing anything about her except her name. “But Emma’s doing an internship here.” “Oh, so you want to be a producer?” The man at the panels said with a smirk, liking that somebody would want to follow his profession. “Oh, no. My internship isn’t here in this building. I meant in LA,” Emma made clear, hoping she didn’t come off rude. “No, my internship is with a vocal coach. I’m just doing my graduation project here.” “So, you want to be a vocal coach?” The guy with the shortest hair, Rian, assumed. “No.” “You are confusing,” Alex chuckled and scratched his head. Had he decided to show some crazy person the things he was working on? “Well, can you give Alex some vocal coaching?” Jack asked while spinning on his office chair. “Cause he sounds like shit.” “I don’t think I’m qualified for that…” Emma excused and took a bite from her apple. “You are just getting more confusing with every question you’re answering.” “Okay, well, it’s quite a long story, but if you want to know…” she started telling them. “I’ve always been in a school for music and theater and decided to continue after I graduated and went to college. So, they want us to get some experience. But you can’t exactly join a musical with no experience, so it’s a never-ending cycle. I’m getting some experience with my internship with a vocal coach and I’m writing a song with other students for our graduation project, both will look good on my resume once I do do auditions. So, I’m here to record a ‘musical’ song I wrote with classmates, and I worked with a vocal coach training students. Hence, I don’t think I’m qualified to give you tips because I don’t think you’re writing broadway songs here. Unless you want help with your articulation and expression.” “So you want to be a broadway star?” Alex wondered if he understood the story that was all over the place, getting a nod from Emma. “But you’re in LA?” “Because of my internship and to record, everything else is back in New York.” “Huh… interesting…” He nodded, understanding now that Emma wasn’t just some random talent at a karaoke bar, but that she had actually pursued it and worked for it since she was a kid. “I mean, you’re right, we are in a rock band, but I’m always down for vocal warm-ups.” “I don’t think I can teach you anything you don’t already know. And something tells me you don’t need practice singing and doing a dance routine at the same time and don’t need to know how to put emotion into your singing.” Emma didn’t understand why they just wanted her help. “Well, don’t songs always have emotion?” “I mean more than just quieter smoother singing when you’re singing a ballad or a harsher louder singing when you’re mad; I mean making the script and music seem like one and not like separate components.” “It has to all be part of the act,” Alex added, finally making sense of the sentence that had ran circles in his mind after seeing Emma at the flower shop. He didn’t get what she had meant back then, but it all made sense now. The song was part of a musical, that’s why it seemed like she knew the entire song: she just simply did. “Exactly,” Emma agreed with a nod, spinning the apple in her hands. “Anyway, I have to get back to my own project, we have a lot to do and a very strict deadline. If you decided to really need my help, I’ll be somewhere in the building.” She said goodbye, getting a chorus back from all the guys, before leaving the studio and closing the heavy door. Alex let himself fall down on the couch and pulled out his phone, waiting to be directed what he had to do. Jack, however, just kept staring at Alex in disbelief. “Dude, go after her!” “What? Why?” Alex laughed at Jack’s determination. “You guys obviously hit it off. Ask her out!” “Umm… I still have a girlfriend,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Then I want her number,” Jack whined, still thinking the girl was super hot. “She won’t give it to you,” Alex disagreed. “What, why?” “Cause she doesn’t know you,” he teased with a wink.

[zenonaa]

Saimatsu, zipping up her dress please?

As Shuichi rouses, thoughts trickle through the fog of sleep shrouding his mind. In general, his dorm room is dimly lit and has a dour, rustic atmosphere, with its washed out ornate wallpaper and old-fashioned wooden furniture. During the day, the fireplace burns bright, a splash of colour among grim shades of brown, but he puts it out at night before he retires to his bed.

Thick curtains block out most light coming in through the windows, so at first, he can’t judge the time of day apart from by how very tired he feels. When he swallows, the noise crackles loudly in an otherwise silent room.

The bed shifts. Shuichi opens his eyes fully with a start. That hadn’t been him. He hadn’t moved that much.

Indeed. Kaede stares down at him, straddling him on all fours.

“What…?” he mumbles, squinting.

She multiples in his vision briefly before focusing into a single entity, and he deduces that it is Kaede definitely staring down at him. Now the realisation sinks in.

Shuichi yelps and thrashes as he wiggles back.

“W-What!?” he splutters, wide-eyed. “A-Akamatsu-san, what are you…?”

“… doing here?” she finishes for him, smiling slightly.

“I… Yes!” Shuichi says. He sits up, pressing his back against the board of his bed.

Kaede remains on her hands and knees, wearing her pink sweater vest and purple wine skirt patterned with notes of a melody that he doesn’t know. Of course she’s wearing that. She was wearing it before.

“You seem surprised,” she notes aloud.

“Of course I am! You appeared over me all of a sudden,” he tells her. In contrast to her gentle voice, his heart beats rowdy and fierce. He places a hand over it.

The corners of her lips rise, just a little, and her shoulders give a shake as she laughs silently.

“Sorry. It’s just… I really want to show you something,” she says, lacking her usual chirpiness.

In the past minute, she hasn’t spiked a single strong emotion, but he only notices this now. Shuichi blinks. Fortunately, his lack of response seems to qualify as she gives a curt nod.

“I want to perform a piece while… while it’s fresh in my mind,” she says. “I won’t be able to go to sleep until I’ve played it. Please, Saihara-kun.”

She doesn’t raise her voice.

“Sleep…?” Shuichi shuffles his weight as he squirms. Her face is earnest. It sounds important. “Um… I would be happy to listen to it?”

“Thanks, Saihara-kun,” she says, and she crawls back, getting off the bed. As she turns away, she beckons to him.

He doesn’t budge, even though she obviously wants him to follow. She faces him again and puts her hands on her hips, puffing out her cheeks in a cute way.

“Come on, Saihara-kun,” she whines, acting more like the Kaede he knows. Her plum-colour eyes pull on him.

Shuichi twitches and lurches forward. “Ah! I’m coming…”

While Kaede’s research lab also boasts a lot of wooden furnishing, large windows gape light from outside. At this time of night, the Moon beams in, highlighting the scuffs in the flooring where it kisses it with light. He doesn’t stray far from the door, lingering behind as Kaede strides further in. She steps up to the platform that her piano stands on, then rests her hand on it and looks over at him.

That small, wistful smile of hers seems to have become a permanent fixture on her face.

“What should I wear?” she asks Shuichi.

Her eyes pierce him. He jolts and scratches his cheek.

“Um… what you have on is fine, right?” he says.

She huffs and squares her shoulders at him.

“Fine? That’s like what you’d call an omelette,” she says, and she heaves a sigh. “Here…”

Kaede grabs the bottom of her vest top and pulls it over her head. At this point, Shuichi realises what she’s doing and lets out a shout as he covers his face with both hands. Shuichi hears her give a hum of amusement. Presumably, she’s getting undressed in front of him, but he doesn’t check. While he can control that, against his will, his mind conjures a visual of her silhouette, like he’s seeing her through a waterfall, seeing her push down on the back of her shoes and slide her feet out of them. He imagines her slip off her long socks and loosen her tie. Then, she unbuttons her shirt, and -

His body trembles. Shuichi shouldn’t be imagining this. Especially as…

“Ah, Saihara-kun, can you do my zip up?” she asks, breaking through his walls.

He peeks between his fingers. Kaede has her back angled toward him and now dons a strapless gown that he hadn’t seen when he entered the room. It seems like a combination of two different dresses. The body of the gown as well as half the skirt is a lighter purple and ruffled, while the other half of the skirt, around her left leg, is darker and smoother with a black trim. Gloves the same colour as the main body of her gown reach almost all the way up her arms, and she paws at a zip on her back that isn’t done all the way up.

“S-Sure,” he says, trying not to cough as he speaks. He gulps and comes forward, grabbing the zip. It’s harder to draw up than it looks, but with some tugging, Shuichi manages to do it up properly.

Kaede turns to him fully, revealing a big bow on the front of her gown.

“Thank you,” she says warmly. “I can play now.”

He needs a moment, then after she still hasn’t moved, he gets the message and backs away. There’s a chair waiting for him nearby and he sits on it, hands clasped together on his lap. Kaede takes a seat at her piano, flexes her fingers and starts to play.

The music tinkles, individual notes popping out at first, but as the piece progresses, it becomes more streamless and soars as it laps around the room. Shuichi imagines two birds circling a beach on a clear day that gradually spiral closer and closer, descending on a fixed point. In this case, it’s him, and the music winds around Shuichi, tighter and tighter, trapping him in a coil, and he watches Kaede, unaware if he’s breathing or not.

More entrancing than the music that fills his head is the sight of Kaede herself. Her fingers dance over the keys, fluidly and casually but each note is deliberate. She plays with her eyes half-open, a calm mask over her face. Time doesn’t feel like it goes faster, or slower, but like it doesn’t exist at all. With every note, his chest clenches harder, and though he doesn’t really move, he feels like he’s about to lift off his seat and drift into her welcoming embrace.

Eventually, the piece ends, and she casts her gaze over to him.

“What do you think?” she asks in a light tone.

Shuichi’s soul settles back into his body as he stirs to life. He jerks his head back.

“It was incredible!” he tells her. “And you just came up with it? Just like that?”

She inclines her head, maintaining eye contact. “Yes… and no.”

“Huh?”

Kaede rises from the piano and walks over, her heels not making any clicks against the floor as she approaches. He tilts his head back as she occupies more and more of his vision, and when she grabs hold of his wrist, he lets her pull him to his feet. She places his hand over her heart.

Shuichi can’t feel a pulse, but he doesn’t say anything.

“This piece… is my heartbeat when I’m with you,” she says. “When I see your face, or hear your voice, or even just think of you… you create this melody in me.”

A chill shoots through him.

“A-Akamatsu-san…” He stares at her, trembling.

“Saihara-kun.” She squeezes his hand. “I hope you remember this melody…. and you know, I may not seem like it, but I find it hard to let people in. People aren’t like a piece of music, where you know how it begins, progresses and ends. People are unpredictable and discordant. If I’m honest, I have no faith in people at all…”

He scrunches his brow. Her name leaves his mouth in a murmur.

Kaede offers a shrug, features smooth.

“But… you know, I’ve been watching you. When we first met, you were timid and rather passive. It frustrated me because with those sorts of people… it’s hard to get a good gauge of them, especially when they just agree with what you say rather than reflect their own thoughts.” Her eyes seem to glow as she studies him. “As this killing game progresses, though… you’re becoming more sure of yourself, and you shine during the trials. Seeing your growth… and your pursuit of justice… and how you can draw strength from people - no, friends, despite how they are all very different… that has given me hope for the future. So thank you.”

Even though looking at her wrings Shuichi’s heart, he continues to do so. All those things she said about him… she was the one who inspired him to try to achieve them. They stand like that for a while, not saying anything, until Kaede presses her lips together firmly.

“Ah, I’ve kept you enough… You don’t want to oversleep, do you?” she asks, and she steps back, still holding onto his hand even as their arms straighten. “Thank you for coming, Saihara-kun. I think I can sleep now…”

“No problem,” he says, and his voice cracks on just two simple words. “I’ll… I’ll keep that song in my heart, I promise.”

She smiles her widest grin yet.

“Thank you,” she says, and she finally lets go of him. Or is it that he finally lets go of her…?

With a heavy heart, he drags himself over to the door, but before he opens it, he pauses and says, “Akamatsu-san…?”

“Hm?”

“Can you tell Amami-kun that I said hi?”

It’s a foolish request, sure, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t trust him to say much else.

“I will,” she promises.

Shuichi bites his lip and opens the door. He closes it after himself, leaving behind an empty room.

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

Winning Myself

“Remind me again why Luna invited the Malfoys?” Harry asked Ginny as he tried not to be blatant with his staring.

“Malfoy is her friend, and she wanted to include him in the wedding party.” Ginny shrugged once, showing that she didn’t understand her fiance’s decision any more than Harry did.

The cluster of people outside of the burrow were preventing Harry from hearing what Malfoy and his father were arguing about, and they were definitely arguing. Malfoy was gesturing wildly with his hands, face red, and anger prominent in his eyes. Lucius was the opposite, the same calm exterior as always, the only hint that the older Malfoy was angry was the hand clenched around the snakehead of his wand.

“Has Malfoy always been so…” Harry trailed off when Malfoy narrowed his eyes, anger heightening.

“Dramatic?” Ginny supplied. “Definitely.”

“I was going to say striking, but yeah, that’s accurate too.”

“But he makes dramatic look good.”

Harry nodded in agreement, wishing that wasn’t the case. Encountering Malfoy in the Ministry was trying enough on his firm denial of any kind of attraction, but seeing him outside of work was causing Harry’s resolve to crack—fissures obvious the more emotion Malfoy released.

“What do you suppose they are arguing about?”

When Ginny didn’t answer, Harry looked at her curiously. There was an uneasy edge to her stance and it concerned him.

“I don’t know, Harry. They’ve been arguing since they got here, and they were late too.”

This wasn’t news to Harry, but he thought he was the only one to notice—or really the only one watching so closely. When he arched his brows in amusement, silently conveying his question, he had to sidestep a playful slap to his arm.

“Hey, it wasn’t anything untoward. Luna has been busy telling the officiant her side of the knot tying vows. She’s being secretive about them, and I’ve had mine done for months. I’m bored, and there isn’t anything else here worth watching.” Ginny paused to grin wickedly.

“Unless you count Ron trying to dance, and that’s an embarrassment that I can only stomach once.”

Harry smiled softly, happy that Ginny found the love that she deserved. She truly was one of his best friends, and he couldn’t wait to watch her and Luna get married tomorrow. He looked around the rehearsal tent, amused when he took notice of Ron trying to dance with Hermione. Despite it being clumsy, they both were having fun, and that was what mattered.

The bustling people that had been between Harry, Ginny and the Malfoys began to thin. With each person moving towards the tables in the centre, the raised voices began to drift over.

“If you would just cease this foolishness, Draco, things would be smoother with the papers.”

Malfoy scoffed harshly, the sound reverberating around the quiet corner. If Harry concentrated, he could still make out the music from the rest of the party.

“The papers? That’s what you are worried about? Fuck the papers. Fuck the public opinion. They think we are trash anyway, what does it matter what I do with my life?”

Harry exchanged an uncomfortable look with Ginny. It had been easier to observe when it was just silence, but now they would overhear things that weren’t their business.

“We are watched always,” Lucius pressed, a hint of desperation tinging his tone. “You aren’t making this easier.”

“Easier for who?” Malfoy returned, hands raising up to pull at his hair in frustration. “For you? You act as if this hasn’t been me my whole life. I’ve gone so long repressing who I am, and I won’t continue to do so just for you.”

“We should go,” Ginny whispered, tugging at Harry’s sleeve.

“If we leave now, they could notice us.”

“I don’t want to be found here listening to this,” Ginny argued.

“Repressing?” Lucius scoffed. “Don’t be dramatic. Your words suggest I have wronged you.”

“That’s rich,” Malfoy snarled taking a step back. “My whole life you have told me that who I was wasn’t good enough. ‘Stop slouching, Draco, Malfoys have to be regal. Stop playing, Draco, Malfoys have to be serious. Stop making friends, Draco, Malfoys only look after themselves.’ Every action I took wasn’t befitting of a proper Malfoy. You took everything that made who I am and shoved it into a mould of your own beliefs. I don’t know who I am anymore.”  

The last sentence was raw and cracked. Harry shook his head, allowing Ginny to pull him away. This wasn’t a conversation they should be hearing. Malfoy would be furious to know they were listening.

Even several tables over they could still hear the argument and Harry wasn’t sure where else they could go.

“Draco,” Lucius stopped when Malfoy jerked away from his raised hand.

“No,” Malfoy said, taking steps towards the direction Harry and Ginny were. “I won’t continue to listen to this.”

“All I want is what is best for you.”

“Then stop trying to control me,” Malfoy begged. “Stop ignoring the parts of me that you don’t agree with. I’m bisexual, father, not dying. I don’t know why that’s so hard for you to grasp.”

Harry shared a startled look with Ginny. That hadn’t been what he thought their argument was about. He looked around the tent, debating on whether they should just escape into the house, and forget the tent completely.

“If you are bisexual, then you can still marry into a respectable family.”

“Yeah, as long as it’s with a woman, right father? That’s what you mean. You say you accept my sexuality, but really it’s only as long as it’s metaphorical. I can watch men from afar—never allowed to touch. Because to you, a Malfoy is only good if they have an heir.”

Malfoy clenched his fists before his shoulders drooped. “There is a tiny part of me that wishes I could be spiteful and tell you that I will never marry a woman, but I would be lying to myself. I could very well end up married to a woman and be the son you want to be proud of. But I could also fall in love with a man and be the disappointment that you shove under the rug.”

Every word Malfoy spoke was filled with emotion, and Harry knew that it resonated with Ginny just as much as it did with him. All of them had been there, questioning who they were and finding themselves. Listening to Malfoy be so open was choking Harry up far more than he thought it would.

“I used to think that if I could just ignore parts of me, that I would gain your acceptance, but in doing so, I lost myself along the way,” Malfoy whispered, voice filled with something Harry couldn’t identify with.

“It’s taken me so long to appreciate just what makes me, me. And I like who I am, father. I am proud of me, even if you won’t ever be. Because no matter what I do, you will never see me for who I am. You will never be proud of me. I knew that as a child and tried to pretend that if I just worked harder that one day you would. I lied to myself then, but I refuse to do that now.”

“What are you saying?”

Harry moved a few more tables, the music getting louder but not enough to drown out the continued conversation.

Malfoy sucked in a breath, a flat humourless laugh escaping. “I’m letting you go. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep fighting when there is no resolution. I won’t ever stop being who I am, and I get that you don’t understand. But I don’t need you to understand. All I wanted was for you to be the father that I never had. I realize that is asking too much of you, and for that, we can go our separate ways.”

“Draco,” Lucius closed his eyes, before shaking his head rapidly, over and over. “I just—the fighting gets to me too. I don’t want to alienate you, I don’t. I just need time to understand and get used to this.”

“Take your time,” said Malfoy, breathless but firm. “But do it away from me. Because I can’t be the son you want anymore. I need to be myself in a healthy environment, and that’s not near you.”

“You are the son I need and want.”

Harry blinked rapidly, eyes stinging. He knew weddings brought out the best and worst in people, but he didn’t think he would have ever seen this.

“Then prove it,” Malfoy begged. “Take the time to come back and be the father I need. Because right now it’s neither a want or a need.”

Malfoy’s words had Lucius flinching, but the man nodded regardless.

Harry looked away when Lucius disapparated, the noise more than just a sound, it was an end to something, and Harry felt for Malfoy.

When Harry looked to Ginny, he noticed she was wiping her eyes. Something Harry could relate to. Merlin.

Movement had Harry snapping his head up, eyes widening when Malfoy walked over to their table and collapsed in a chair.

“I need a drink, or five, or the whole bottle,” Malfoy mumbled before raising his head and shaking it. “No, forget that. I’m not numbing this victory in alcohol.”

Harry wasn’t sure what to say. Was he supposed to own up to listening? Was it rude to pretend they hadn’t heard part of the fight?

“I don’t know if you are aware of this,” Malfoy began, a small smile taking over the weary expression that had previously been there. “But I just won.”

“Won what?” Ginny asked quietly.

“Myself. Everything. I stood up for myself and it may not work out how I want, but I did it. And I won.”

Harry bit his lip, unsure if what was in his head was wise to voice. “This may not mean much coming from me, but I’m proud of you.”

How could he not? Listening to the fight and hearing Malfoy’s words could only lead to understanding. How could he not be proud of Malfoy?

Malfoy closed his eyes, shaky breath rattling out.

Harry’s heart ached at the realization that that might be the first time Malfoy had someone say that to him.

When Malfoy’s eyes opened, Harry could see the gratitude that wouldn’t get voiced, but that was alright. He didn’t need the words to see the truth.

A silence settled around them, not exactly stifling but still a tad uncomfortable. Harry leaned forward, head resting on his hand. “Do you want to dance?”

Malfoy narrowed his eyes before looking to the rest of the guests dancing. “Are you sure you want that? I’m kind of a mess.”

Harry knew that Malfoy was looking at the act as more than just a dance. Nothing was ever simple with them, but it was what Harry wanted.

“I’ve got baggage too,” Harry pointed out, not really wanting to say that, but it was only fair since he overheard way too much as it was.

“And what?” Malfoy asked, smile widening. “You want to argue over whose baggage is worse?”

Harry stood up, hand outstretched and teasing smirk in place. “Maybe I do. I can’t let you have one over me.”

“I think I’ll let you win that one,” Malfoy said before placing his hand on Harry’s and letting himself be pulled up.

“Oh no,” Harry argued. “You can’t concede already. This argument could last awhile.”

“Awhile, huh?” Malfoy asked, hand tightening around Harry’s. “I can do that.”

Ginny watched them walk away with a warm smile on her face.

“I love weddings.”

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Anon, I am so with you. I was screaming to @rmh8402 for a bit about bisexual Draco. Sorry for this being in my inbox so long. I need more bisexual Draco in my life. I do think this went more emotional than I wanted to. Ah well. 

I hope you enjoyed this!